THINGS I'VE LEARNED ALONG THE WAY
We're all on a learning curve, from the time we're born till we finally give up this life.You'll recognize all the ordinary, expected, ways we've progressed--learning to ride a bike, reading for the first time, winning (or losing) a ball game because of an error we made. You can make your own list of high (or low) points.
Today I want to pull out a few memories and examine what I've learned. Such as:
- what to do about the "self-critic" that rides on my shoulder
- how to deal with perfectionism
- failure
- joy
- self-care
That critic that sits on my shoulder and whispers in my ear that I'm wasting my time (no matter what I'm trying to accomplish) has ruined many a project. Doesn't matter what it is--art, music, crafts, fiber arts, sometimes even finishing my college degree.
Then there was perfectionism--a trait I took on pretty early in my life as a way to "earn" my parents' approval. Huge mistake--it never worked. And if I ever did become "perfect" (by someone's standards) there was always the risk of having it fall through.
So we're at failure. If I was going to be perfect, then I had no option but to make sure I never, ever, failed. You can imagine how that played out.
Somewhere along the line I found joy--and it came with all those projects my self-critic said I couldn't do. But I persevered, and even when what I tried didn't work out, I said, okay, I learned something about that. And it was a joyful time.
The first four categories are about ways we live our lives. In the end, they add up to how we care for ourselves.
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Here are some of the lessons I learned:
- I had to embrace "good enough" and let my self-critic go off and pout in a corner.
- I had to let go of the competitive spirit that said I had to be perfect--or another way of putting it, being better than everybody else.
- I had to see failure as an opportunity to learn/grow/see something in a new way.
- I had to welcome joy into my life--knowing there was never going to be the ideal, or perfect answer or way to live; but there was going to be a life worth living.
- I learned that self-care isn't the same as selfishness. Self-care is knowing myself well enough to figure out what I'm doing that keeps my mind and body happy and working well, and equally, figuring out what is toxic to good mental and physical health.
Best of all, it's never too late to learn more about how to take care of yourself; by doing so, you will have a self to give to others.
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Besides all the big categories discussed above, I learned lots of things to add to my life--country-western line dancing; knitting and sewing large projects; cooking gluten-free; yoga; tai chi; living alone and doing all my own yard work, house work, and getting maintenance for house, yard, and vehicle. I wrote novels and short stories (but not for publication). I started this blog. I worked in a law office for 30 years.
Mostly, what I've learned "along the way," is to do what I can to help others; to be kind, or (as someone is quoted as saying) if I can't be kind, to be kind-er. I wish you joy in your journey.
Blessings,
Thursday's Child
