WHAT DOES GRATITUDE LOOK LIKE?

Line up ten people, ask that question, and you'll get--you guessed it--ten different answers!

Today you'll get my version.

Now that it's summer, my fourth favorite season, I decided to challenge myself. I asked: "What can I be grateful for when I don't feel grateful?"

(Please don't gasp--it distracts others.)

Since I've never had a single original thought in my life--and having lived so long I recognize that as a fact, not a stain on my character--I know I'm not the only person who has asked that question. Some days, it's just like that.

Here's an example:

• We are now into the fourth full day of Summer.
• The temp is hovering in the low 80s, working its way up.
• Humidity likes to hover with the temp. but today it's enjoying the 90s.
• The sun is up! (Well, duh, this is summer.)
• It's daylight out there 'way earlier than working folks should be up--but they hope to beat the heat & humidity (see above) if they get lawns mowed, gutters cleaned out, roofs put on . . . .

Just so we're clear, this is my list. If you don't like mine, make your own.

My challenge to myself: Look out my window and name 5 things (yes, 5) I see out there that I'm grateful for. Taking a deep breath . . . ready?

1. Green. Lots of green out there. Or, I should say, lots of greens--dark green, pale green, yellow green, rusty green (I know, it sounds odd, but that's what it looks like). To give your eye a chance to rest, there are also reds (Japanese maples), purples and pinks (flowering bushes), and yellows (flower beds and dandelions in bloom). 
2. Shade. For the moment, no one is chopping down any trees in my vicinity. Every time I see a tree being reduced to logs and sawdust, I weep inside--we lose a little of our natural combatant to the increasing carbon footprint. Yes, a new tree will (perhaps) be planted--but it'll take years to grow and provide shade.
3. Breeze. Okay, I don't actually see the breeze, but I see the trees, bushes, and bird feeders swaying back and forth. By the way, did you know birds don't really care that their feeders sway around while they're at lunch? Can you imagine being in a swaying cafe while trying to chow down on a burger and fries? Or a bowl of chili? The mind boggles.
   
   
   
4. Neat lawns. My neighborhood is blessed with folks who either mow their own lawns or hire it done. At present all the houses on my long block are occupied or at least owned and maintained by folks who hope to live in them some day. That means there are no patches of knee-high weeds-and-grass that announce "This Property Is Unoccupied."
5. Animal Life. Birds, chipmunks, squirrels. Dogs. Cats. People (usually walking the dogs, or vice versa). A few kids on bikes but that's usually out front on the street; the alley is one-lane wide and not safe for bikes and cars together.

There are my five offerings for gratitude this day. And I didn't even get into people stuff: medical appointments, visits from out-of-town friends, letters and emails and texts from people I care about.

Shall we do a "takeaway"? It would be this:

• Open your eyes--really look at what's out there; and when you see something you like, smile and say, "Thank you."
• That's gratitude, in a nutshell.

Blessings abundant,

Thursday's Child

 PEACE

 
[This essay appeared nearly 10 years ago--and I find it has as much to tell us now as it did then.]

I've chosen a word to live by to finish out the year. That word is PEACE.

 

Over 40 years ago I taught freshman composition to college freshmen. Our course started with a descriptive essay; continued into compare-and-contrast; and toward the end we advanced to the extended definition. It was one of the hardest to teach and one of the hardest to learn.

The extended definition essay attempts to go beyond the dictionary's pared-down list of meanings and asks the reader to enter into the writer's concept. We used examples from our lives, from books, from whatever experiences we could muster.

One way to define a concept is to tell what it is not.

My trusty Merriam Webster lists these things about PEACE:
- absence of war or strife
- freedom from quarrels and disagreement
- to remain silent 

Another definition of PEACE refers to an inner state of calm; tranquility. My favorite tea mug bears this legend:

- peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.

Still another way to look at PEACE deals with our actions; here's a quotation from the late Henri Nouwen, Dutch Catholic priest, professor, writer and theologian:

- Did I offer peace today? Did I bring a smile to someone's face? Did I say words of healing? Did I let go of my anger and resentment? Did I forgive? Did I love? These are the real questions. I must trust that the little bit of love that I sow now will bear many fruits, here in this world and the life to come.

And Mother Theresa:

-If we have no peace. it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.

------

Peace be with you.

 

Blessings,

Thursday's Child 

 

 BAD DAY? STAY TUNED....

If you've ever had a really bad day--what a friend of mine calls a crap-sandwich day--then you might find some relief with a visit from Thursday's Child today.

Let me say first--yes, I, too, have bad days--always have, probably always will. BUT! They're not the end of the story. They just happen. To you. To me. To everybody. (Don't let anybody try to put one over on you and say they never have a bad day. Just smile, pretend you didn't hear, and change the subject.)

So if we all recognize that bad days will happen, no matter how we hold our mouth or what little sayings we tell ourselves to chase away the bogies or where we go to hide in the dark under a big cover until it all goes away--never mind all that. There are actual things we can do to make a bad day less bad. Ready?

LIVE - go ahead with your usual life; on a bad day, you'll no doubt have bumps in the road, winds that pick you up and toss you around, rain that never stops, no matter how much you pray (remember Noah? 40 days and 40 nights? what we have is a drizzle to his troubles). And you'll discover--and billions of people before us have discovered--that the road will smooth out, the wind will die down, and the rain will stop. Maybe not all at once. Maybe not for several more crap-sandwich days, but it will all go away.

• You have to trust me on this one--I've lived long enough to have it happen many, many times. The technique is: Hang in there!

LOVE - yep, even on a bad day, you can find something to love. A movie on Netflix? A book you got for your birthday and wanted to start but stuff got in the way? The new dog who came to live with you because you know you have enough love for it and that's what it needs right now?

• Here's a thought--go through a drawer or box of your stuff that you haven't looked at in, oh, these many moons/years/decades--don't do anything with it, just look at it. If it's not a bunch of cool stuff you like "just because," then leave it and get out another one. Eventually you'll find something--a love letter from a friend, a dried up bunch of flowers from some little guy or gal in your family who thought you could use a pretty posy, one earring (left from a pair) that recalls a special event where you lost the other one, or maybe even an old diary or journal you'd forgotten about, and when you start reading it, you're transported back in time to who you were all those years ago.

LAUGH - it doesn't have to be a true bad-bad-bad day; it can just be a day when you'd rather not be checking in at the hospital for a 15-minute procedure that will take up most of your day (due to leftover anesthesia in your system). On such a day, here are some humorous (in my opinion) thoughts to get your brain on another track:

     (Sign on the window when I checked 

     in for the above 15 minutes of 

     oblivion)

• “My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.”
  

  —Rose (Betty White, on The Golden Girls)

• “I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.”
  —Phyllis Diller

• “You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.” —Joan Rivers

And if you're so inclined, here's one you can share with your grandchildren:

    Knock, knock.....

    Who’s there?

    Water.

    Water who?

    Water you doing telling jokes right now? Don’t you have things to do?

But if all else fails, go back to bed and get up on a better day.

Blessings,

Thursday's Child

 TOUGH TIMES . . .

Everybody has tough times . . . I've never met anybody who lived in a land of eternal springtime, little birdies singing, flowers blooming their heads off--and honestly, I don't think I'd actually believe it if I did meet somebody like that.

But I have met lotsa folks who have tough times of varying intensity and length, and from them, I've learned a little about how to navigate those rocky places in life.

Often, I've had mentors from my churches. They prayed with me. They recommended books and authors whose writings gave me a different point of view. They showed me how to turn difficult times into possibilities for growth. And the best thing of all, over the years I've developed a habit of looking for those ways on my own.

If you've been reading Thursday's Child for a while, you know I spend a lot of time reading. One of my favorite writers has been, and is, C. S. Lewis. I first knew his work when I was an undergrad English major--we used one of his books, The Four Loves, in a Middle English course. A few years later, I made his acquaintance again when my oldest daughter brought home The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, the first of the Narnia series. And since that time, I've read many of his books on religious subjects.

-----

Recently, I've collected thoughts from various sources. Around Mother's Day, The New York Times ran an article about advice people had received from their moms. What fun to read! Some of those sayings I'd heard in my young life--things like "walk in the other person's shoes before you judge." 

But the one that stood out for me, and that I'd never heard before, was this: "If you try, you either win or you learn." Got that? Win or learn--not win or lose. In similar words, I've been reading that sentiment, "win or learn," for the past several years--mostly from visual artists, writers, and  teachers, who are absolutely convinced that mistakes are good things, because they help you learn something you didn't know before.

-----

Last week I watched a video on YouTube by an American artist I follow, Ellen Crimi-Trent. This was a follow-up video about her father. A few months ago, Ellen and her brother were helping their artist father downsize his studio; he had hundreds (literally!) of paintings, some framed, some not; and he was no longer able to paint due to poor health. The family members were clearing out the studio, selling paintings locally and online. They'd done this once already this year; now they were having a second sale, and the end was, apparently not in sight. Their father, the artist, could no longer hold a paint brush. I'm guessing he's in his 80s. 

At the end of the video, Ellen closed with this thought, "Take the time and space to enjoy every moment that you have." That really hit me where I live.

I wish you the same--time and space.

Blessings,

Thursday's Child

 

 REMEMBER . . .

In a few days we will celebrate, as a nation, the traditional    Memorial Day. We will honor those who have fallen in the service of our country, as well as those in other countries who also gave their lives.

And although COVID is less of a threat than when I wrote this post three years ago, our thoughts turn also to all the medical people who have died in the battle to save lives, in many places in our world.

Our best and highest calling is to remember . . .

• our loved ones, whom we no longer see
• the contributions they made to our lives, and to Life
• and to share our memories with those who have come after us

And while we're remembering, let us honor our friends and family who have died, some of them many years ago, perhaps in battles with disease and aging, but having lived their lives and whom we knew. They live on in our memories and in ourselves. If we share them, they live on in the lives of people we may never meet, but whose lives can be enriched by our memories.

So let us remember . . . and give thanks.

Here is a quotation from Elisabeth Kubler-Ross:

Blessings,

Thursday's Child

 YOU KNOW IT'S A GOOD DAY WHEN . . .

I had a good day not long ago. Nothing stupendous. Nothing profound. Just an all-round good day.

When I searched for quotations to share with you, I found many were totally attached to what the person did for a living. Since I'm not a sports fan in any way, shape, or form, and I don't go to movies or even look forward to new ones on Netflix or other streaming media, that limited my search right away. 

So what I did--I fell back on quotes from people whose work I knew, or, in one case, a quotation by a movie director whose words made sense to me. Forgive me for going heavy on the side of writers, but remember--that's what I do most of all . . . write.

-----

Some people go to bed at night thinking, 'That was a good day.' I am one of those who worries and asks, 'How did I screw up today?' Tom Hanks

The stories that I want to tell, especially as a director, don't necessarily have a perfect ending because, the older you get, the more you appreciate a good day versus a happy ending. Drew Barrymore

Comedy comes out of everyone's worst day. No one writes a sitcom episode about everyone having a good day. It's always about someone being locked out of their house or someone being dumped or whatever. Jim Jefferies

Catch me on a good day, I think half of my books aren't too bad. Catch me on a bad day, I think I've never written a good line. Dennis Lehane

I used to be able to write five pages a day, every day, no problem. Now a good day is five or four pages, and that's from 9:30 A.M. until 6 P.M. Elmore Leonard

A good day to me is writing from 6 A.M. 'til noon with a break to take my daughter to school. After lunch, if I still feel the momentum, I'll hit it again. Michael Connelly

And another one from Michael Connelly: The fulfillment I get from a good day of writing is addictive and will always bring me back the next day. Michael Connelly

-----

Hope you're having a good day. If not, I wish you a better day tomorrow, or the next day, or . . . whenever. As some of the above quotations indicated, it might take a bad day to make us realize what a good day really is, when it comes along. Others have said we should make it a good day. Something to ponder.

Blessings,

Thursday's Child

IT'S ALL ABOUT PERSPECTIVE

We don't have to be an artist or a photographer to recognize the importance of Perspective in the world around us.

There’s a line in The Golden Spiders, by Rex Stout, that I really like:

Archie Goodwin is badgering Nero Wolfe to do some work:

“You’ve always said it’s not enough to earn your money—you have to feel like you’ve earned your money. So let’s earn our money.”

-----

[Note: This post is not about making money. Sorry. You really don't want to get advice from me on making money. Trust me on this.]

Some time ago I had a day when I did several things, and accomplished a lot, for me. By the end of that day I had the satisfaction of time well spent. I felt—emotionally—as if I’d accomplished a lot. Some of that satisfaction came from knowing I’d finished something: a task, one large part of a task, or even a small step.

(I won’t tell you what all I did—I do hate to see your eyes glaze over.)

I recall a blog post by the late Writer/Teacher Louise De Salvo entitled “Little by Little” that  explored what it means to make progress on a project when you have a debilitating disease or condition. Louise De Salvo never knows ahead of time how much energy she will have the next day—maybe none. Maybe only a short time to do a little writing. If it’s 10 minutes, then she uses those 10 minutes. If it’s an hour, then she writes for an hour. And the work gets done, “little by little.”

I found her blog post inspiring. Too often I sigh and ignore the little bits of time that could be used to move a project forward.

Do I really have to wait for two hours of free time? Isn’t there something I can do in whatever time slot I have available?

The late Nancy Zieman, host of a long-running quilting/sewing TV show, Sewing with Nancy,  published a book called 10-20-30 Minutes to Quilt. There’s another inspiration. For each quilt she lists the steps: what can be done in 10 minutes (choose fabrics, perhaps), 20 minutes (cut fabrics), and in 30 minutes (assemble a few quilt blocks).

Here's how I figure it--my job: Look at my Today List and estimate how many minutes each task will take.

Besides tasks, I like to build in time to rest between, say, starting laundry and tidying up the kitchen. This isn’t lying down for a nap kind of rest; this is doing something sitting down—writing checks, knitting a few rows of an afghan, looking through a music book for pieces I can re-learn. Then back on my feet for the next activity.

-----

The true issue at hand, I believe, is Perspective. Remember the old glass half-full vs. the glass half-empty? Time perceived as "too little to do much with" is still the same amount of time perceived as "just enough time to do one step of that task."

One of the most positive people I know is my primary care doctor. We discussed time one day--I think the subject was time to read--and she said two minutes might be all the time she had but she'd use those two minutes to skim an article.

Perspective--what you see from where you stand--has a lot to do with perception. (Thank you, C. S. Lewis!)

If you're standing in your own way, you won't see anything but your own reflection. If you get out of your own way, you might see something new--or something old in a new way--or something old that can be morphed into something new.

Perspective influences perception, which leads to possibilities.

There you go--three words that begin with P. Juggle them and see what you come up with.

And have a Perceptive week, developed by looking from where you stand, into a future of possibilities.

Blessings,

Thursday's Child