THINGS I'VE LEARNED ALONG THE WAY

We're all on a learning curve, from the time we're born till we finally give up this life.

You'll recognize all the ordinary, expected, ways we've progressed--learning to ride a bike, reading for the first time, winning (or losing) a ball game because of an error we made. You can make your own list of high (or low) points.

Today I want to pull out a few memories and examine what I've learned. Such as:

• what to do about the "self-critic" that rides on my shoulder
• how to deal with perfectionism
• failure
• joy
• self-care

That critic that sits on my shoulder and whispers in my ear that I'm wasting my time (no matter what I'm trying to accomplish) has ruined many a project. Doesn't matter what it is--art, music, crafts, fiber arts, sometimes even finishing my college degree. 

Then there was perfectionism--a trait I took on pretty early in my life as a way to "earn" my parents' approval. Huge mistake--it never worked. And if I ever did become "perfect" (by someone's standards) there was always the risk of having it fall through.

Which leads to failure. If I was going to be perfect, then I had no option but to make sure I never, ever, failed. You can imagine how that played out.

Somewhere along the line I found joy--and it came with all those projects my self-critic said I couldn't do. But I persevered, and even when what I tried didn't work out, I said, okay, I learned something about that. And I'd had a good time--a joyful time.

The first four categories are about ways we live our lives. In the end, they add up to how we care for ourselves. 

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Here are some of the lessons I learned:

• I had to embrace "good enough" and let my self-critic go off and pout in a corner.
• I had to let go of the competitive spirit that said I had to be perfect--or another way of putting it, being better than everybody else. (How ugly is that?)
• I had to see failure as an opportunity to learn/grow/see or do something in a new way.
• I had to welcome joy into my life--knowing there was never going to be the ideal, or perfect answer or way to live; but there was going to be a life worth living.
• I learned that self-care isn't the same as selfishness. Self-care is knowing myself well enough to figure out what I'm doing that keeps my mind and body happy and working well, and equally, figuring out what is toxic to good mental and physical health.

Best of all, it's never too late to learn more about how to take care of yourself; by doing so, you will have a self to give to others.

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Besides all the big categories discussed above, I learned lots of things to add to my life--country-western line dancing; knitting and sewing large projects; cooking gluten-free; yoga; tai chi; living alone and doing all my own yard work, house work, and getting maintenance for house, yard, and vehicle. I wrote novels and short stories (but not for publication). I started this blog. I worked in a law office for 30 years.

Sounds as if I found the magic formula, doesn't it? Sorry, there is no magic formula. There is only keeping on, continuing to learn, to try new things.

Mostly, what I've learned "along the way," is to do what I can to help others; to be kind, or (as someone is quoted as saying) if I can't be kind, to be kind-er. I wish you joy in your journey.

Blessings,

Thursday's Child

  VALENTINE'S DAY - 2026 

[This post has appeared from time to time--and I can't think of one thing to add!]

VALENTINE’S DAY AND THOUGHTS ON LOVE

W

hether it was a little candy heart that said “I LUV U” or a big box of chocolates, Valentine’s Day comes with memories and smiles.

Here are some quotations I came across. Hope you find something to touch your heart on this day we celebrate Love.

Love is a friendship set to music.

Joseph Campbell

The most precious gift we can offer anyone is our attention.

When mindfulness embraces those we love,

they will bloom like flowers.

Thich Nhat Hanh

Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without

and know we cannot live within.

James Baldwin

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply,

without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know

any other way of loving but this,

in which there is no I or you, so intimate that

your hand upon my chest is my hand,

so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close.

Pablo Neruda

love is the voice under all silences,

the hope which has no opposite in fear,

the strength so strong mere force is feebleness:

the truth more first than sun,

more last than star . . .

e e cummings

You know you're in love when you don't want to fall asleep

because reality is finally better than

your dreams.

Dr. Seuss

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast,

it is not proud.

It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking,

it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts,

always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

..............

And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love.

But the greatest of these is love.

I Corinthians 13:4-13

Happy Valentine's Day!



from Thursday's Child

 THE VOICE OF AUTHORITY

[Quilters are advised: If Life gives you scraps, make quilts. Other folks prefer to squeeze lemonade from the lemons Life throws at them. Following are a few thoughts on Authority and different kinds of advice. This post appeared several years ago. What Life threw at me recently was snow, rain, freezing rain, sleet, and low temps. You really don't want to hear about that.]

If there were only one Voice of Authority, life would be a lot simpler. 

Instead, Authority is one of those concepts that varies from person to person. Not only does the definition change, but the spin each of us puts on what Authority says/advises/demands comes out of our own lives and experiences.

I'll start the ball rolling with my own spin--that ought to get your editorial juices flowing.

In my long life I've encountered three distinct types of advice from Authority:

1. Parental Guidance
2. Well-Meaning Advice, or One Size Fits Most
3. Self-Serving Advice

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When I was growing up, it was natural to hear words of wisdom or suggestions about behavior from my parents. The two things I remember most are these:

Mom: Put yourself in the other person's place.
Dad:  Don't get too close to people, you'll only get hurt.

Mom's advice always stayed with me. When I was critical of someone, or their words hurt me, I tried to put myself in that person's place--find out what lay behind the unkindness; and if I couldn't discern it correctly, I looked at several possible reasons. I still do that to this day, and I find it makes my life a happier place to inhabit.

Dad's advice has, alas, also stayed with me. It isn't quite the antithesis of Mom's advice, but it definitely puts a barrier between me and others. What I've learned on my own is that I'm always going to get hurt--by someone, by something, by matters outside my control. The getting hurt part isn't the issue; what I do with the hurt, or about it, is.

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A kid hears lots of advice--besides parents, there are extended family members (older siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins), neighbors, friends of the family who feel they have a right to tell a kid what to do or not do. 

I call this kind of advice "One Size Fits Most." Examples: Work hard. Practice. Do your best. (And to little girls, Act like a lady.) Always be on time. Think of others. 

Now I'm not against working for one's goals, practicing the oboe/soccer/knitting/cursive writing, or doing one's best. They're all positive actions. Sometimes, though, those pieces of advice come at a time when a young person is vulnerable--tries too hard; breaks down; wears out too soon. And let's face it--sometimes we just can't be on time, or thinking of others means neglecting the self we're given that needs nourishing to be a positive force in the world.

As for acting like a lady--my all-time favorite coffee mug reads: "Well-Behaved Women Seldom Make History." Enough said.

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Self-Serving advice was another Voice from childhood. It said, Behave. Be quiet; speak only if you're spoken to. Don't go any place you'll be embarrassed to be seen.

Lots of negatives in that short and un-sweet list. Not bad advice, per se, but look at the emphasis: Each one isn't about what might happen to me, the advisee, but about what reflects back on the advisor. Hmm.

The same messages can be turned into positive statements. Or, they can be the springboards for a discussion with the young person.

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My last type of advice: Advice to Self. Or, Learning from Our Experiences.

We encounter all types of messages from others: positive, negative; practical, impractical. What we seize on comes out of our leaning--our own way of dealing with the world--and is likely based on our experiences.

My Note to Self: Beware of giving Unasked-for Advice! (There's already plenty of that around.)

I'll leave the final bit of advice to the late Rev. Frederick Buechner:

Blessings,

Thursday's Child

 THOUGHTS ON JANUARY

Sometimes I look back through my blog posts  from other years, focusing on this week's date. Sometimes I get a light bulb moment (remember that? Cartoon character has a "bright idea" so the artist drew a light bulb suddenly lighting up over the character's head?) Other times I recognize that I've used the same idea every few years. Conclusion: January just doesn't have much to say for itself.

That wasn't always true for me. I've gone on vacations to warmer climes in January--the farther south/southwest, the better. Certainly warmer and brighter than northeast Indiana.

Or, I've started something new--teaching a new class; taking a new class; starting an art challenge (5 days, 9 days, 1 month--whatever).

Or, I've re-started something that had to be left behind--a manuscript that didn't get finished; a knitting project that had to be put aside because of the holidays or other commitments.

Then there's the previous commitment I made to myself--start a new diet; read the rest of that series I started a year or two ago; follow up on letters I've received, start answering sooner, or just email to see if that person is still doing well (or not).

Since January is--or can be--such a cold/snowy/icy/windy/forbidding month for getting out of the house (one of the perks about retirement: nothing has to be done this instant), it's easy for me to "put it off," whatever "it" is.

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One way to get January to move along is to schedule appointments. This month I've already had my hair cut and styled; visited with my primary care doc; prepped birthday cards and checks for 5 relatives; sent birthday greetings by email to people who used to go to my church but have moved on now.

Another one of my techniques is to check out how-to/demo tutorials online for my art, quilting, knitting, and writing interests. Somebody, somewhere, always has something to say. And there's always the chance I'll learn something new--or be reminded of something I once knew but that got lost in the minutae of life.

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So now we're at the end of January. Looks like a short break in the forbidding weather next week, which may mean I can get out for a time or two. No playing in the snow or shoveling or quick-step walks in the open air. But I will get outside my four cabin walls.

In a few more days I'll be writing to you from February. More birthdays to celebrate (via USPS). Books to put on hold at the library and pick up one of these days.

Looks to me like a matter of keeping the momentum going--may not be fast, but so long as it continues to keep on keeping on . . . .

If all else fails, I'll start sorting my over-stuffed book shelves, see if I can find something to donate to the Friends of the Library for their regular sale. Already been through the clothes closets and some of the drawers. And--one achievement for which I pat myself on the back--I filled a large cardboard box with yarn/unfinished projects/and miscellaneous notions for working with yarn. Once the box is delivered to my Ohio daughter and her co-workers, I'll be truly free of that part of my stuff.

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If you're a January traveler, I wish you a safe journey and a wonderful time somewhere else! See you next month!

Blessings,

Thursday's Child

QUOTATIONS, AND SO ON

[Tomorrow I celebrate 85 years on this planet Earth. Born at 2 PM, Charleston, Illinois, in my own home. Weighed 9 lbs. according to the doctor. Now, here I am, 85 years later, living in Northeastern Indiana, in a small town about the size of Charleston, and still living in my own home. My weight has fluctuated over the years, up and down, but is now stabilized at a good number to please both me and my medical folks. To celebrate here with you who read Thursday's Child's ramblings, I'm repeating other people's wisdom and sayings that have encouraged me over the years and often made me smile.]

Here are some thoughts to entertain you - possibly give you a nudge - even make you smile in agreement.

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Courage is being scared to death - but saddling up anyway.

            -- John Wayne

We are all here for a spell; get all the good laughs you can.

            -- Will Rogers

Nobody can be exactly like me. Sometimes even I have trouble doing it.

            -- Tallulah Bankhead

Never miss a chance to keep your mouth shut.

            -- Robert Newton Peck

Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.

            -- Mark Twain

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It is a mistake to regard age as a downhill grade toward dissolution. The reverse is true. As one grows older, one climbs with surprising strides.

            -- George Sand

The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.

            -- William James

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This thing that we call 'failure' is not the falling down, but the staying down.

            -- Mary Pickford

I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much.

            -- Mother Teresa

We could never learn to be brave and patient, if there were only joy in the world.

            -- Helen Keller

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Have a blessed week! Keep on keepin' on.

Thursday's Child

Yep, it's that season!

 IT'S STILL THE NEW YEAR ...

We're fifteen days into 2026! Fifteen days!! 

Several years ago I wrote about New Year's Resolutions--I called mine Intentions for the new year.

Some people do their bah-humbug routine when resolutions are mentioned.

Then--I saw something new (to me)--New Year's Dissolutions.

That's right, dissolutions. All about--giving up.

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Okay, doesn't sound like much of anything, does it? After all, sometimes our resolutions or intentions were about giving up--coffee, alcohol, tobacco, sweets, games . . . .

But I think there's something in there for us. I came up with three levels of giving up:

• EASY
• MIDDLIN'
• CHALLENGING

Let's explore:

The easiest, seems to me, is about things. Stuff. Excess physical possessions.

Examples:

• clothing that no longer fits
• clothing that is out of style (though this bothers me not much a-tall)
• books I won't read again
• music books (not needed now that I've given up the organ)
• movie DVDs and music CDs that I haven't watched/listened to for years

You get the idea. You can make your own list.

The middlin' category gets a little closer to home--our activities and behaviors:

• too many appointments
• too many commitments (even good things, like fitness classes or courses in one of our hobbies
• too many "haftas"--as in, I hafta visit my friend every Saturday, or I hafta go to the nursing home and help out, or I hafta take my turn reading to little kids at the library (sometimes these are "shoulds")

Finally, the challenging category:

• ourselves--beyond possessions, beyond activities, beyond behaviors
• what is there about this self each of us inhabits that can be improved by giving up an attitude or a belief? Or a relationship? Or a job?
• how do we go about that? How would I know what to give up?

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As you have already figured out, there are no right-or-wrong answers here. And this is very definitely NOT a one-size-fits-all. There is no one size.

My excess physical baggage may be just what you want or need. Great! I'll take that stuff to the thrift store or the library and donate it. If I can't quite gift it, I'll put it on ebay or one of the other vending sites.

My excess behaviors and activities won't be yours. Maybe your tolerance for a busy life is higher than mine. My low-activity tolerance allows me time to think, meditate, work out stories to write or pictures to paint. But then, I'm not you.

My challenging category is something I've been working on for decades. The only lesson I've learned is this: I learn as I go along. I give up something; how do I feel about that? I explore new ways of thinking, new beliefs; I read biographies and memoirs (all kinds); I research the lives of writers, painters, poets, members of religious communities, and I struggle to understand what each person thinks, feels, understands, and then communicates. If there's something for me in that exploration, then I keep it, and go forward. If not, I walk on and look some more.

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Here's a happy thought: A new year can begin any time! In our culture, and in this present day, January 1st is the signal for a new year to begin. In reality, any day is the beginning of a new year. (Remember this saying? "This is the first day of the rest of my life." Cliche now, but once had some significance. Maybe it still does.) 

Bottom line: You can choose when to start your new year.

An artist I follow online has a mini-course in setting a creative brief. One of her first comments was this: You don't have to start this now. Your "new year" can start any time. You will be reviewing your own work, and that can start again and again.

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I wish you good fortune in your search for a new year. If you choose "dissolutions," I hope that works out for you.

Blessings,

Thursday's Child

PLANS!

It's that time of year again--

I got that far and stopped. WHY is it that time of year? Can't we make plans any old time? How about September 10th? Or July 18th? Or--okay, how about your birthday? Or my birthday? 

If we really stop and take a look at our lives, aren't we "making plans" all the time? 

For example:

• my daughter and I spent over an hour on the phone this morning with varying success:
• trying to move an appointment from one day to another
• trying to figure out why one medical provider isn't doing certain things any longer
• trying to find out why two medical providers need the same test--and can it be done once for both
• time "on hold" better spent on other projects (never mind being #2 in the queue)

That's just one morning's "planning" in our lives. I don't have an outside job, so we'd naturally think, wouldn't we, that I'm available any old time? But my availability often requires a driver who isn't me.

Okay, another example. Today, Wednesday, my daughter has the day off from work. We made tentative plans for things around the house and yard. Now that we spent most of the morning engaged in the appointment book blues, we had to make different plans. (shuffle, shuffle)

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I know none of this is unique to us, nor to you. In current parlance, "it is what it is." But, dang, I sure wish it wasn't!

To prepare for this post, I did some online research for appropriate/pithy quotations about planning--making plans--anything in that neck of the woods. Here are some samples of what I found:

E. B. White improved my world every time I read some of his essays. And because of that connection, I enjoyed my world a whole lot more. I didn't have to do a lot of planning, either.

I like this one a lot--and I've found I can do both, wish and plan.

Sound practical advice. 

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So what about plans that don't bear fruit? Or that seem to fizzle out? Or leave us feeling--I don't know, cheated maybe. Or dangling . . . .

Some suggestions--maybe it wasn't time for that plan to work out. Or maybe we hadn't thought it through. Or, if my Grandma Jenkins had it nailed--"I didn't hold my mouth right!"

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I'll end on a humorous note:

Have a wonderful wonderful week--with or without a plan!

Blessings to all for 2026!

Thursday's Child