COMFORT ZONES . . .

Still can't believe I'm writing about "comfort zones." Partly, because I'm not sure I actually believe in them.

Consider this: Practically any article you read about improving a skill or learning a new something-or-other includes the advice, "Get outside your comfort zone!"

• The underlying message is: Change Equals Success.

Does it really??

 

Let's explore what, exactly, a comfort zone is. Here are some stray thoughts:

• staying in the same pattern of behavior that you've occupied for, possibly, forever
• not trying a new way of doing something when the old way suits you just fine, thank you very much
• rejecting help with a task you've done by yourself for so long you never even considered getting help
• ignoring recommendations by friends and relatives ("Just try this once! It's brilliant!") 
• Such enthusiasms mostly strike me as trying to palm off something the friend or relative doesn't want. Even if it's only an opinion or something quite innocuous. Just saying.
• even if it doesn't cost me any money, I'm not prodigal with my time

Okay, that's some of the downside, to my way of thinking. Now let's look at what we might--emphasis on might--reap as a reward.

• a pleasant surprise--a new way of doing the same-old-same-old may turn out to be easier, quicker, and more satisfying
• finding a new friend/colleague/partner who is interested in the same thing; exploring stuff together can take some of the sting of the unknown out of the project (and any possible failures along the way to Success)
• finding your friend or relative's enthusiasm (see above) is more valid than you first thought

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Even though I'm not willing to waste my time with something that I'm fairly sure won't work out for me--any group exercise program is right at the top of that list--I can at least explore what's involved. That may take only a gander at an online video. Or it could mean a trip to a store or shop or museum or library--where I might get other inspiration, just not the one I was meant to get.

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In thinking about this topic, I had an epiphany: Just what exactly IS my comfort zone?

And the answer is--I don't know!! Thinking about it even more, I don't recall a time I was ever IN a comfort zone. My life isn't constant turmoil, you understand, but there have been so many times of change and starting over, that getting settled into a way I can call "comfortable" doesn't appear to have happened. Or if it did happen, it didn't stay. Or just maybe, I didn't notice!

So I thought a little longer.

Comfort zones come in all kinds and sizes. Here are a few examples:

• artistic - I like trying out new things. If it's too expensive, too messy, or just too "not me," I'll know fairly soon.
• Otherwise, I've come up with some delightfully fun ways to paint or make greeting cards because I didn't stay with what I already knew. Yes, I'll admit, some things end up in the bin, but I always wait a day or two before discarding them. (You'd be surprised how good an experiment looks later on.)
• personal - since I'm not a very social being, you won't find me at a large gathering, exchanging email addys or making plans to have coffee/wine/dinner sometime soon. I'm also not a fan of social media. But I occasionally venture out of my cave (er, house) and mingle with other folks. That's called leaving my comfort zone, in my book. (See?)
• financial - I list this one because it seems as if so many of us are pinching pennies these days (I love that old-fashioned term, pinching pennies). Stepping out of our comfort zone with our hard-earned bucks can be the slippery slope to disaster. 
• It's not only retirees who have these concerns; young families, singles, all sorts of folks have to pay attention.
• As an aside--to step outside my comfort zone financially, I'd have to hit the casino with a fistful of cash. That would be so far out of my comfort zone, you'd never see me going that direction again.

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Rather than calling a new way of acting/thinking "outside my comfort zone," I prefer calling it exploration, or even experimentation. Both these types of behavior are temporary by their nature. 

Some of the artists I follow on YouTube or on their own websites make a point of continual growth by exploring new ways to express their ideas in paint or other media. They experiment, sometimes with good results, sometimes with something bin-worthy. But they continue to try new things, to grow in their art. Outside their comfort zone? Perhaps.

I think the bottom line might go something like this:

• If you don't try something new, you'll never know what might have happened.
• Or, change is what leads to growth.

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Step outside my comfort zone? Why--guess what? I just did! I wrote about a subject that isn't anywhere near to being dear to my heart, but I did explore some thoughts. Wasn't too painful, either.

Good luck with any explorations you make outside that circle you call your Comfort Zone.

Blessings,

Thursday's Child

This is definitely outside
my comfort zone!

 

  FROM SEA TO SHINING SEA

[I'm repeating a post from previous years because I want us to remember why we celebrate July 4th in our United States of America. We may have a good time, our hearts may swell with pride as our children and grandchildren march in parades, and the best dang barbecue will feed a multitude. And then there's the real reason for it all. Be blessed!]

In two days, the United States celebrates Independence Day. On that day in 1776, men from 12 of the colonies signed a Declaration of Independence from the mother country, England. The official vote in the Continental Congress occurred two days earlier, July 2nd. After that vote, a committee headed by Thomas Jefferson wrote the official Declaration.

John Adams, one of the delegates, had written a letter to his wife, Abigail:

The second day of July 1776, will be the most memorable epoch in the history of America. I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated by succeeding generations as the great anniversary festival. It ought to be commemorated as the day of deliverance, by solemn acts of devotion to God Almighty. It ought to be solemnized with pomp and parade, with shows, games, sports, guns, bells, bonfires, and illuminations, from one end of this continent to the other, from this time forward forever more. [from Adams Family Papers, Massachusetts Historical Society]

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The United States celebrates in solemn events and riotous ones, from the serious contemplation of what freedom means to the joy of being able to express our gratitude openly.

However you celebrate--if you do--remember the men who made that possible 250 years ago. And be safe.

Blessings,

Thursday's Child

 

WHAT DOES GRATITUDE LOOK LIKE?

Line up ten people, ask that question, and you'll get--you guessed it--ten different answers!

Today you'll get my version.

Now that it's summer, my fourth favorite season, I decided to challenge myself. I asked: "What can I be grateful for when I don't feel grateful?"

(Please don't gasp--it distracts others.)

Since I've never had a single original thought in my life--and having lived so long I recognize that as a fact, not a stain on my character--I know I'm not the only person who has asked that question. Some days, it's just like that.

Here's an example:

• We are now into the fourth full day of Summer.
• The temp is hovering in the low 80s, working its way up.
• Humidity likes to hover with the temp. but today it's enjoying the 90s.
• The sun is up! (Well, duh, this is summer.)
• It's daylight out there 'way earlier than working folks should be up--but they hope to beat the heat & humidity (see above) if they get lawns mowed, gutters cleaned out, roofs put on . . . .

Just so we're clear, this is my list. If you don't like mine, make your own.

My challenge to myself: Look out my window and name 5 things (yes, 5) I see out there that I'm grateful for. Taking a deep breath . . . ready?

1. Green. Lots of green out there. Or, I should say, lots of greens--dark green, pale green, yellow green, rusty green (I know, it sounds odd, but that's what it looks like). To give your eye a chance to rest, there are also reds (Japanese maples), purples and pinks (flowering bushes), and yellows (flower beds and dandelions in bloom). 
2. Shade. For the moment, no one is chopping down any trees in my vicinity. Every time I see a tree being reduced to logs and sawdust, I weep inside--we lose a little of our natural combatant to the increasing carbon footprint. Yes, a new tree will (perhaps) be planted--but it'll take years to grow and provide shade.
3. Breeze. Okay, I don't actually see the breeze, but I see the trees, bushes, and bird feeders swaying back and forth. By the way, did you know birds don't really care that their feeders sway around while they're at lunch? Can you imagine being in a swaying cafe while trying to chow down on a burger and fries? Or a bowl of chili? The mind boggles.
   
   
   
4. Neat lawns. My neighborhood is blessed with folks who either mow their own lawns or hire it done. At present all the houses on my long block are occupied or at least owned and maintained by folks who hope to live in them some day. That means there are no patches of knee-high weeds-and-grass that announce "This Property Is Unoccupied."
5. Animal Life. Birds, chipmunks, squirrels. Dogs. Cats. People (usually walking the dogs, or vice versa). A few kids on bikes but that's usually out front on the street; the alley is one-lane wide and not safe for bikes and cars together.

There are my five offerings for gratitude this day. And I didn't even get into people stuff: medical appointments, visits from out-of-town friends, letters and emails and texts from people I care about.

Shall we do a "takeaway"? It would be this:

• Open your eyes--really look at what's out there; and when you see something you like, smile and say, "Thank you."
• That's gratitude, in a nutshell.

Blessings abundant,

Thursday's Child

 PEACE

 
[This essay appeared nearly 10 years ago--and I find it has as much to tell us now as it did then.]

I've chosen a word to live by to finish out the year. That word is PEACE.

 

Over 40 years ago I taught freshman composition to college freshmen. Our course started with a descriptive essay; continued into compare-and-contrast; and toward the end we advanced to the extended definition. It was one of the hardest to teach and one of the hardest to learn.

The extended definition essay attempts to go beyond the dictionary's pared-down list of meanings and asks the reader to enter into the writer's concept. We used examples from our lives, from books, from whatever experiences we could muster.

One way to define a concept is to tell what it is not.

My trusty Merriam Webster lists these things about PEACE:
- absence of war or strife
- freedom from quarrels and disagreement
- to remain silent 

Another definition of PEACE refers to an inner state of calm; tranquility. My favorite tea mug bears this legend:

- peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.

Still another way to look at PEACE deals with our actions; here's a quotation from the late Henri Nouwen, Dutch Catholic priest, professor, writer and theologian:

- Did I offer peace today? Did I bring a smile to someone's face? Did I say words of healing? Did I let go of my anger and resentment? Did I forgive? Did I love? These are the real questions. I must trust that the little bit of love that I sow now will bear many fruits, here in this world and the life to come.

And Mother Theresa:

-If we have no peace. it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.

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Peace be with you.

 

Blessings,

Thursday's Child 

 

 BAD DAY? STAY TUNED....

If you've ever had a really bad day--what a friend of mine calls a crap-sandwich day--then you might find some relief with a visit from Thursday's Child today.

Let me say first--yes, I, too, have bad days--always have, probably always will. BUT! They're not the end of the story. They just happen. To you. To me. To everybody. (Don't let anybody try to put one over on you and say they never have a bad day. Just smile, pretend you didn't hear, and change the subject.)

So if we all recognize that bad days will happen, no matter how we hold our mouth or what little sayings we tell ourselves to chase away the bogies or where we go to hide in the dark under a big cover until it all goes away--never mind all that. There are actual things we can do to make a bad day less bad. Ready?

LIVE - go ahead with your usual life; on a bad day, you'll no doubt have bumps in the road, winds that pick you up and toss you around, rain that never stops, no matter how much you pray (remember Noah? 40 days and 40 nights? what we have is a drizzle to his troubles). And you'll discover--and billions of people before us have discovered--that the road will smooth out, the wind will die down, and the rain will stop. Maybe not all at once. Maybe not for several more crap-sandwich days, but it will all go away.

• You have to trust me on this one--I've lived long enough to have it happen many, many times. The technique is: Hang in there!

LOVE - yep, even on a bad day, you can find something to love. A movie on Netflix? A book you got for your birthday and wanted to start but stuff got in the way? The new dog who came to live with you because you know you have enough love for it and that's what it needs right now?

• Here's a thought--go through a drawer or box of your stuff that you haven't looked at in, oh, these many moons/years/decades--don't do anything with it, just look at it. If it's not a bunch of cool stuff you like "just because," then leave it and get out another one. Eventually you'll find something--a love letter from a friend, a dried up bunch of flowers from some little guy or gal in your family who thought you could use a pretty posy, one earring (left from a pair) that recalls a special event where you lost the other one, or maybe even an old diary or journal you'd forgotten about, and when you start reading it, you're transported back in time to who you were all those years ago.

LAUGH - it doesn't have to be a true bad-bad-bad day; it can just be a day when you'd rather not be checking in at the hospital for a 15-minute procedure that will take up most of your day (due to leftover anesthesia in your system). On such a day, here are some humorous (in my opinion) thoughts to get your brain on another track:

     (Sign on the window when I checked 

     in for the above 15 minutes of 

     oblivion)

• “My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.”
  

  —Rose (Betty White, on The Golden Girls)

• “I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.”
  —Phyllis Diller

• “You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.” —Joan Rivers

And if you're so inclined, here's one you can share with your grandchildren:

    Knock, knock.....

    Who’s there?

    Water.

    Water who?

    Water you doing telling jokes right now? Don’t you have things to do?

But if all else fails, go back to bed and get up on a better day.

Blessings,

Thursday's Child

 TOUGH TIMES . . .

Everybody has tough times . . . I've never met anybody who lived in a land of eternal springtime, little birdies singing, flowers blooming their heads off--and honestly, I don't think I'd actually believe it if I did meet somebody like that.

But I have met lotsa folks who have tough times of varying intensity and length, and from them, I've learned a little about how to navigate those rocky places in life.

Often, I've had mentors from my churches. They prayed with me. They recommended books and authors whose writings gave me a different point of view. They showed me how to turn difficult times into possibilities for growth. And the best thing of all, over the years I've developed a habit of looking for those ways on my own.

If you've been reading Thursday's Child for a while, you know I spend a lot of time reading. One of my favorite writers has been, and is, C. S. Lewis. I first knew his work when I was an undergrad English major--we used one of his books, The Four Loves, in a Middle English course. A few years later, I made his acquaintance again when my oldest daughter brought home The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, the first of the Narnia series. And since that time, I've read many of his books on religious subjects.

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Recently, I've collected thoughts from various sources. Around Mother's Day, The New York Times ran an article about advice people had received from their moms. What fun to read! Some of those sayings I'd heard in my young life--things like "walk in the other person's shoes before you judge." 

But the one that stood out for me, and that I'd never heard before, was this: "If you try, you either win or you learn." Got that? Win or learn--not win or lose. In similar words, I've been reading that sentiment, "win or learn," for the past several years--mostly from visual artists, writers, and  teachers, who are absolutely convinced that mistakes are good things, because they help you learn something you didn't know before.

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Last week I watched a video on YouTube by an American artist I follow, Ellen Crimi-Trent. This was a follow-up video about her father. A few months ago, Ellen and her brother were helping their artist father downsize his studio; he had hundreds (literally!) of paintings, some framed, some not; and he was no longer able to paint due to poor health. The family members were clearing out the studio, selling paintings locally and online. They'd done this once already this year; now they were having a second sale, and the end was, apparently not in sight. Their father, the artist, could no longer hold a paint brush. I'm guessing he's in his 80s. 

At the end of the video, Ellen closed with this thought, "Take the time and space to enjoy every moment that you have." That really hit me where I live.

I wish you the same--time and space.

Blessings,

Thursday's Child

 

 REMEMBER . . .

In a few days we will celebrate, as a nation, the traditional    Memorial Day. We will honor those who have fallen in the service of our country, as well as those in other countries who also gave their lives.

And although COVID is less of a threat than when I wrote this post three years ago, our thoughts turn also to all the medical people who have died in the battle to save lives, in many places in our world.

Our best and highest calling is to remember . . .

• our loved ones, whom we no longer see
• the contributions they made to our lives, and to Life
• and to share our memories with those who have come after us

And while we're remembering, let us honor our friends and family who have died, some of them many years ago, perhaps in battles with disease and aging, but having lived their lives and whom we knew. They live on in our memories and in ourselves. If we share them, they live on in the lives of people we may never meet, but whose lives can be enriched by our memories.

So let us remember . . . and give thanks.

Here is a quotation from Elisabeth Kubler-Ross:

Blessings,

Thursday's Child