RULES AND REGS

One of my all-time favorite TV series was The Andy Griffith Show. Lots of memorable episodes, crazy humor, goofy situations. Whenever I needed a spirit-lift, I could count on Andy, Barney & Co. to do the heavy lifting. In an episode called "The Big House," Deputy Barney Fife lays down the law to the prisoners (both cells are filled): "Rule Number One--Obey All Rules!!"

That line still cracks me up. 

So I've come up with a list of rules that might resonate with you. For instance:

--"Don't make plans." This sounds like advice, rather than a rule. But if you have a little experience under your fedora, you can add it to your list of rules. There's nothing like making plans--simple ones, complex ones--to create a little chaos in your life.

--"Think twice, speak once." Took me a long time to get this one under my toque, but it has served me well. The second "think" is what keeps you from saying those words on the top of your mind and the tip of your tongue that might--just might--get you in big trouble.

--"Two ears for listening; one tongue for speaking." Another way of saying "listen more than you talk." You'll have more friends, or at least people who support you.

--"Just because something is not a secret, you still don't have to blab it around." Self-evident, right?

--"Off the record means off the record." If you're asked to keep a secret, or just to keep something under your balaclava, then do it. If a friend asks you, then it's a hard-and-fast rule. If a chance acquaintance asks you, then consider it a politeness.

-----
What irks most people is that rules are so prohibitive. They're all in the category of "thou shalt nots."

If we nudge that definition a little, we can consider these possibilities:

   --rules help us get through life with a little less chaos
   --rules can keep us from blundering around, hurting others, or losing friends
   --rules can show others we are trustworthy

-----
Another category is safety--rules probably started in your home when you were a toddler, and the rules increased exponentially once you hit primary school and beyond:

   --keeping the classroom safe
   --learning safety in fire drills (I hated those!)
   --being safe on the playground
   --being safe on the way to school/home
   --being safe in the laboratory
   --automobile safety (should've learned this in driver's ed)

-----
We've been subject to rules & regs all our lives--even before we were born, our parents and other ancestors lived by accepted procedures for their times. 

During our lives, we see how rules come and go--and sometimes come back again. In the past few years, there's been a hue and cry (quiet but gathering volume) for simple politeness to return. Maybe it will.

And if you need more evidence, pick up nearly any popular magazine and learn about what we "ought to do" to be slimmer, fitter, healthier; to live longer, reduce pain, be happier . . . . It's couched in terms of advice--but if you look closely, the advice is pretty much prescriptive. In other words, rules.

-----
Whether you call them rules or advice, these "words to live by" can be a positive force for us. (Another time I'll talk about breaking the rules--sometimes that's the best thing we can do.)

THE SOUNDTRACK OF YOUR LIFE

I don't know the origin of that phrase--in a quick rummage on the Internet I discovered it's the title of a song recorded in 2006, and has become a school assignment, a therapy routine, and I don't know what all. It swam into my view a few years ago in a book on writing by the late Louise de Salvo. She suggested many ways of getting into writing the text of memoir--she taught writing classes at Hunter College in New York City--and one of the ways was to explore the soundtrack of one's life.

-----
At this moment, late on a Wednesday afternoon in May, the soundtrack includes going-home traffic; neighbors pounding things (who knows what) in their yards; lawnmowers finally getting a chance to do something about the overgrown grass (daily rain makes it grow, did you know that?); bird song, dog song . . . .

To put all those outdoor sounds in their place, I surfed YouTube for some vocals I wanted to hear. Here's a sample of what I added to the above mix:

   --Ella Fitzgerald, singing "Summertime" with Louis Armstrong
   --Ella alone, in a 7+-minute serenade of "These Foolish Things"
   --Julie Andrews and Richard Burton in duet: "What Do the Simple
        Folk Do?" from Camelot
   --Eva Cassidy, playing her guitar and singing "I Know You by Heart"

That's today's soundtrack.

Going back a few decades, the daily soundtrack was often like this:

   --doors banging, screens slapping shut
   --dogs barking
   --kids yelling--at each other, at the dog, at their friends
   --TV shows playing in another room
   --phone ringing, doorbell shrilling
   --piano practice by the kid scheduled for a lesson the next day
   --neighbors calling their kids for supper

In those long-ago days, I could disappear inside a library book. Funny thing, though, a certain screech of pain could haul me back from mysterious Cornwall into the Indiana present day to whichever kid needed first aid.

A decade or so before the door banging/dog barking/kids yelling, my life sounded softer, on a college campus where buildings were old, trees were mature and wonderfully shady. Going from class to class required walking across expanses of well-mown grass. In those days, it was always sunny, skies were blue, flowers bloomed in tended gardens . . . clearly it was always Camelot in those days.

Of course it wasn't, really. There must have been rain sometimes. But I don't remember rain. Or icy paths, or snow that kept us from getting to class. Selective memory can be such a blessing.

-----
Nowadays, I have various sources of music in my life--in my vehicle an Oscar Peterson jazz piano CD that I've listened to for months and still love; and on Sundays, the church music for services--which I practice at home on a Conn organ. The CD seldom changes, though I have several of Oscar's recordings. The Sunday music changes weekly--different service music, different hymns. Another source is either YouTube or something from my CD library.

My neighborhood soundtrack is louder in summer--everyone's outside: folks working in the yard, on their vehicles, disciplining the dogs; when they have visitors, there's bonhomie to spare. My lawn mowing team (the big guy and two younger ones) makes quick work of my lawn--they look like a tag-team out there. 

We still have a good supply of dogs in the neighborhood, and they do love to greet each other and any human they catch sight of.

Indoors, where you'll find me most of the time, there's the whirr of the sewing machine, the tick-tick of the iron heating up or cooling down, the voices of a DVD that keeps me company while I sew. There's an occasional phone ringing, but my landline seems dedicated to cold calls from any state in the union, so I mostly turn the ringer off--if I can't hear it, it won't irritate me. Besides, I have caller ID to help me sort the wheat from the chaff. The cell phone has its own system--name of caller pops up--somebody I know, I'll answer.

-----
Nighttime, though, everyone settles down for sleep. Phone ringers set to OFF. No noisy traffic, no rowdy folks. Amazing, the quiet. The soundtrack dials back to low volume.

Blessings to you, this week.

LIFE

Life being what it is, as I've said so often before, I (like others) lose track of time, things I need, tasks that should have been done last week, and people.

So today I'm looking at LIFE.

Let's start with song lyrics popular in the 1950s, recorded by The Hi-Lo's. The song starts with a lead-in stanza that I've never heard sung, but--wow!--the import of it:

People are queer, they're always crowing, scrambling and rushing about
Why don't they stop someday, address themselves this way?
Why are we here? Where are we going? It's time that we found out
We're not here to stay; we're on a short holiday

Life is just a bowl of cherries
Don't take it serious; it's too mysterious
You work, you save, you worry so
But you can't take your dough when you go, go, go

So keep repeating it's the berries
The strongest oak must fall
The sweet things in life, to you were just loaned
So how can you lose what you've never owned?
Life is just a bowl of cherries
So live and laugh at it all

--Lew Brown and Ray Henderson

[If you've never heard this one, look for it on YouTube.]

-----

Erma Bombeck snagged the popular phrase, "Life is just a bowl of cherries," which had been an old saying when Hector was a pup, and turned it into the title for one of her many humorous books: If Life Is Just a Bowl of Cherries, Why Am I in the Pits?

-----

Here are some more thoughts on Life:

Peace is the beauty of life. It is sunshine. It is the smile of a child, the love of a mother, the joy of a father, the togetherness of a family. It is the advancement of man, the victory of a just cause, the triumph of truth. Menachem Begin [6^th Prime Minister of Israel]

My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style. Maya Angelou [American poet]

Today I choose life. Every morning when I wake up I can choose joy, happiness, negativity, pain... To feel the freedom that comes from being able to continue to make mistakes and choices - today I choose to feel life, not to deny my humanity but embrace it. Kevyn Aucoin [American makeup artist]

-----

I leave you with two important thoughts on how to live our lives:

Remember your dreams and fight for them. You must know what you want from life. There is just one thing that makes your dream become impossible: the fear of failure. Paulo Coelho [Brazilian lyricist & novelist]

Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. Steve Jobs [co-founder of Apple]

-----

May your Life be blessed!

TRA LA, IT'S MAY!

May is the fifth month of the year. We're already more than a week into it, so we can easily see ourselves on the long slide down to summer and then . . . .

But let's not go there.

Let's celebrate MAY. This month has all kinds of great reasons to celebrate, so I'll pick Mother's Day, which is coming up very, very soon, and let one of my favorite moms give us some insights into this holiday.

-----
Consider these gems from Erma Bombeck:

When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.

Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.

I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18 years.'

One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.

-----

Not all of Erma's wisdom is in jest. She also wrote:

Children make your life important.

It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
-----

We may quarrel with her opinions, but Erma and her humor did a lot to keep young moms like me from pulling out our hair or hiding in a closet until the kids moved out.

Thank you, Erma, you were an angel here on earth in your time.

Happy Mother's Day to all of you--and if you're not a mom, you have/had one. Give thanks!

WHAT TO DO ON A RAINY DAY (FOR GROWN-UPS)

[Rain in the forecast--Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday . . . . And this is northern Indiana! This post appeared a few years ago and I still like the suggestions. Hope you do, too!]

I can see right away there’s going to be some confusion here.

After all, who among us is grown up? Or even wants to be?

So my ideas about fun on a rainy day are for the young at heart, the inner child, or just for folks who get bored when it’s raining (again!?).

We’re once more in a round of rainy-days-all-in-a-row. Like Seattle from September to May, so I hear. (I’ve been to Seattle in the summer, July and August, and it’s just a nice place, sunny, not too hot, nice breeze off Puget Sound . . . .) Anyway, here in the upper Midwest there’s a Seattle-feel to the season. Temps rarely get above 80. Rain falls nearly every day, and when it does arrive, it brings several days’ worth of luggage and outstays its welcome. The upside is that everything blooms—and blooms—and blooms—and blooms. Grass grows, and I no longer exaggerate when I say it’s an inch a day.

Thus it is that we have to find things to do that accommodate our temporary (perhaps) climate change. See if any of these resonate with you:

1.       Read the latest bestseller in your chosen genre. If you don’t have it, download it from the Internet—no shipping charges. (You’ll need an e-reader, of course, so if you don’t have one, you’ll have to find some other book to read. Next time the sun shines, go buy an e-reader.)

2.       Clean out a closet/cupboard/garage/boat/car/cedar chest/bookshelf . . . you’ll feel virtuous and hardly notice your lawn is now a lake.

3.       Cook something you seldom have time to make. How do scones sound? With a pot of fragrant tea, a visit with a friend on Google Chat; feet up, shoes off.

4.       Do something old-style: write a long letter to a friend (longhand or typewritten, both count) or bake a cake from scratch. Make up your own old-time activity.

5.       While you’re cleaning out that closet (#2 above), try on those pants and shirts you thought you were going to lose (or gain) enough weight to get into. If you haven’t worn them in a year, share them with somebody else, via Goodwill, Salvation Army, or some other venue. Many churches have a “clothes closet” ministry.

6.       If you’re creative, work on a painting, poem, or clay pot. Cut out quilt pieces or a shirt. Rev up the circular saw or router and make things out of wood. No ideas pop into your head? Give yourself permission to surf the ‘Web for ideas. (Better set a timer—that surfing is addictive, but you already know, don’t you?)

7.       Teach yourself something new—how to tie flies for fishing; how to sand a floor so it doesn’t have ripples in it (harder than you think); how to make wine at home without a lot of expensive equipment; how to build a deck onto your house. If DIY isn’t your thing, look for self-improvement ideas: read about building healthy relationships, memorize a psalm or poem, do crossword or jigsaw puzzles; practice smiling with a mirror. (That one’s scary.)

There’s a whole week’s worth of ideas. If you don’t find any of them to your taste, make your own list. Start with three. Write them down. Give them a title: “Three Things I Always Wanted to Do” or “Three Ways to Avoid Doing Housework” or “Three Things I’ve Learned in My Life.”

You don’t actually have to do any of these things. But you’ve managed to quit cussing the rain for a few hours while you worked up your list. Or read mine. Or actually used one of these suggestions.

These work well for when we’re snowed in as well as rained in.

And if you can’t think of anything to do, there’s always good ol’ napping. Works every time.

Have a nice (even if rainy) day!

Napping--always a good thing!