THE TIDY-UP PRINCIPLE

My father was a carpenter most of his life. He designed, built, and then sold our houses. When each one sold, he went through the process again. And again.

After each project was finished, I don't recall any excess lumber or scraps of roofing or siding hanging around. I've no clue what happened to them, but I know they went some place; they were never left to clutter up the area around our house.

My mother was a homemaker. Even though she sometimes worked out in the marketplace, she was first and foremost a housewife. She cooked, cleaned, did laundry and ironed; her house was always uncluttered. (Let me say right here, I did not inherit this gene for a clean slate.)

Tidying up was natural to my parents, and to many of their generation. Even if they stored the remaining scraps of wood or leftover food from a meal, the goal was for the place to look good. (Plus, who knows when we might need a board just two feet long, or a little dish of peas to put in the chicken-vegetable soup.)

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We've just come through one big holiday, with food looming large in the picture.

Soon we'll be facing another (or several other) holiday meal(s) to celebrate with family and friends during the Christmas season.

This post isn't about food. Or, at least, not much. Leftovers are . . . well, what remains after a meal. Some folks love 'em, some won't touch 'em. Freezers are ideal if you just can't face one more meal of chicken/turkey/ham/roast beef/tofu. And if you have no idea what to do about leftovers, go to your grocery store and scan the magazine section--at last count, I found 17 different periodicals devoted to food, all on the newsstand at the same time.

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Okay, that's all about food.

I hear you asking, What other kinds of leftovers are there? 

Just about anything you can name. Leavings when all the gifts have been opened (paper, string, ribbon, gift bags, cards, instructions, small parts of a Lego set . . .). A few minutes and a big trash bag will take care of the problem. (Just don't bag up the instructions or the Lego.)

Old items of clothing that are replaced by new shirts, sweaters, socks, jackets . . . . Your favorite charity will love you for bringing in your former beloved items.

Books, games, CDs, DVDs whose entertainment value has sunk upon Christmas morn when the newest, and latest, and the next big-big-big thing is in your stocking. Not to mention anything technological. Check around your community--some places ask for donations of specific items like these.

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The saddest kind of leftovers are lost relationships--broken families--friendships that didn't weather a particularly bad storm.

The leftover part is the memory of what the relationship once was--that memory may never go away. And if the memories are good ones, they shouldn't go away. But the regrets we often have--ah, there's the rub. Sometimes we just can't face these losses.

This year, I move that we all make an effort to adopt the Tidy-Up Principle: forgive ourselves, and others; examine our regrets and let them go, if we can; and turn our eyes and minds and hearts outward. Toward peace. Toward love for others, whoever they are. Toward being the best person each of us can be.

All in favor, say "aye."

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May your days be merry and bright.

Blessings,

Thursday's Child

  BABY STEPS

[We've become such a society that expects immediate results and instant gratification that I fear we're in danger of forgetting some simple ideas--such as, learning takes time.]

Have you noticed? Starting something new is no easy-peasy task.

For example—you retire. Ahead of you are seemingly endless days without your former 8 or 10 or 12 hours per day earmarked for a particular task or series of tasks. So you decide to tackle something new, say, woodworking.

Great! Get some books on woodworking. Go to the library and check out their back issues of magazines devoted to the subject. Find a mentor! (That’s the best of all—good old hands-on, show-me-how teaching.) (And an experienced mentor probably has all the expensive tools you may not want to buy right away. Check out the price of a table saw, and you’ll see what I mean.)

After a few days/weeks/months of perusing the projects available, you decide on one. But—your mentor says, “better start with something smaller” (simpler) (less expensive). And you’re already discouraged. You really want to see that small (you thought) jewelry chest come to life. It’d make a great gift for your wife/daughter/auntie. Hmmm.

Now, why should you be discouraged? Everything has to start somewhere—the biggest, most complicated, and expensive projects—all had a humble beginning.

Discouraged? Well, of course you are! If you’ve lived long enough to be approaching retirement (see paragraph 2 above) you’ve not only learned a lot along the way, you’ve been injected with the idea that NOW is the best time to do anything, and NOW is when it’ll happen.

No Practice. No Trial & Error. No Baby Steps leading to a final goal. Uh-huh.

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I’ve now been retired more than 15 years. Seems like every day I’m learning something new—not because I forgot how to do something, nor because I’m always trying different things. No, because every day’s learning comes with practicing what I’ve been doing for years and years. The take-away for me is this: The longer I practice, the more likely I am to reach beyond where I’ve always been; and at that point, I embark on a new journey of learning. Same subject. Now deeper.

Somewhere I read that writing a novel doesn’t teach you how to write the next one. You learn that when you write it. So writing a novel teaches me how to write this one—and next time . . . . More practice. More trial and error. More learning.

A similar thing happens with painting, which is my current creative activity. I watch YouTube videos, I practice, I learn something, I paint using that technique. Sometimes I remember that technique and use it again and again. Then the next week’s video goes into detail about something else, and I’m on the learning curve again.

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Learning also happens when we make mistakes. (Some people say that’s exactly when learning occurs.) 

• Another example from my life: I’ve been knitting since my teens. Learning as I go. Trying new things. Now that knitting is only an occasional activity, I don’t tackle ambitious projects. But I still love the process of producing knitted and purled stitches in patterns. Then comes the day when I’ve been talking with my knitting buddy and not counting stitches or paying attention, and my project has gone into some kind of fit. It no longer looks like a square dishcloth, but now resembles part of an elephant, or maybe a hippopotamus. Backtracking from my mistake causes me to practice how to un-knit, how far back to actually go, and whether I can figure out where I can pick up the pattern again.

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Learning can be discouraging. I’ll agree with that about 97%. But why is that?

I suspect it has several causes:

•      Pride – if we’ve learned a lot of stuff already in our lives, why should this new thing take very long?
•     Time – along with our pride, there’s the time element—it keeps speeding up (seems    that way) and if I don’t learn this new thing pretty soon, I’ll be too old/infirm or lose interest completely.
•     Peer pressure – really? About learning something new? You betcha. Look at any magazine article or online set of classes. How many of them say something like “10 ways to look better in a week” or “7 days to a new you” or “make this table and chairs in a weekend”? Who says it can be done in X number of hours/days/weeks? Better question: Who cares?

My approach may not be yours. But here it is, if you care to hear it:

• It takes as long as it takes.
• It may take longer if you have more to learn. (Remember, those baby steps, practice, trial and error, etc.)
• It may take longer because you get interrupted by Life. (Remember this one? Life is what happens when you’re making plans.)
• It may take longer because you have to let go of somebody else’s expectation—and here’s a good place to remember: you don’t have to tell other people what you plan to do. They’ll give you advice, keep asking when it’s done, and wondering why it’s taking so long.

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Baby Steps. Think about a baby learning to walk. First there’s crawling, then standing upright. Next, walking along the couch, holding on. Then a tentative step away from the edge of the couch. A step or two. Then a fall. Unless the baby is hurt, it grunts and gets up again and tries to take off on two feet, no hands. Sometimes it even giggles when it falls. Now that's worth hearing.

Most of us started out like that—so why not use the Baby Steps method the rest of our lives? It worked before.

I leave you with two more words:

• EXPLORE - what you'll be doing while you're learning
• DISCOVER - it's all part of learning

Have a wonderful week filled with exploration and discovery.

Blessings,

Thursday's Child

 

  

GIVING . . .

Today in the U.S. we celebrate Thanksgiving Day--a time of offering our thanks for the many blessings we've received.

There's another way to look at Thanks-giving--emphasis on giving. Here's a poem by Alberto Rios, poet laureate of Arizona, that addresses that topic. I hope you like it.

When Giving Is All We Have

Alberto Ríos

                                              One river gives
                                              Its journey to the next.

We give because someone gave to us.
We give because nobody gave to us.

We give because giving has changed us.
We give because giving could have changed us.

We have been better for it,
We have been wounded by it—

Giving has many faces: It is loud and quiet,
Big, though small, diamond in wood-nails.

Its story is old, the plot worn and the pages too,
But we read this book, anyway, over and again:

Giving is, first and every time, hand to hand,
Mine to yours, yours to mine.

You gave me blue and I gave you yellow.
Together we are simple green. You gave me

What you did not have, and I gave you
What I had to give—together, we made

Something greater from the difference.
 

[Copyright © 2014 by Alberto Ríos. Used with permission of the author.]

Born in 1952, Alberto Ríos is the inaugural state poet laureate of Arizona and the author of many poetry collections, including A Small Story about the Sky (Copper Canyon Press, 2015). In 1981, he received the Walt Whitman Award for his collection Whispering to Fool the Wind (Sheep Meadow Press, 1982). He served as a Chancellor of the Academy of American Poets from 2014 to 2020.

 

Blessings,

Thursday's Child

 PLANS?

[A little trip into Nostalgia Country.....]

Last week we had our first "snowstorm" of the season--after a 2-3-day fall, snow reached 6-8 inches on the ground. Then Spring came (sorta-kinda) and it all went away. A few days later, temps soared into the 60s.

Well, it was a taste of Winter, right? 

That was what I was going to write about last week--then the computers (both of them) had the audacity to go off on a wild fling (I can't figure it was anything else), and leave me high and dry. We have now made up, though I'm keeping my eye on them.

And, I was going to look at some of the Things We Can Do On Snowy Days. For instance:

• Catch up on projects that have gone by the wayside. Do you have any of those? Some people don't--they just abandon said project and pick up something new.
• Figure out a new fun thing to do--skating, skiing, snowboarding, making snow angels with the kids. Afterwards, tanking up on hot chocolate and thick oatmeal cookies (or your favorite snacks).
  
  
  

For those of us who appreciate a little alone time:

• Disconnect the doorbell--turn off the phone ringers (yes, cell phone, too!)--give yourself, and your family, some quiet time.
• Binge! Your favorite tv shows (old or new)--movies--documentaries you've been meaning to watch.
• Or, if you're really into Quiet Time, dig into that pile of books by your favorite chair--sample a few of them--pick the one that resonates this very day (you'll recognize it, it's the one you read to page 45 before you remember there are more to check out).
• For the cooks--make up every recipe you've been wanting to try. For this one, you have to have the ingredients on hand--no shopping. Don't have everything you need? Then improvise--make something new out of something old.

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Since the Big Snowstorm didn't last long enough, we had to do our regular stuff. But we also managed to clear out some drawers of clothing, raid the various closets for too-large, too-small, wrong color items that could be treasured by a local charity shop. We felt successful. And we have 3+ boxes to deliver tomorrow.

I did start a book I always read around Christmas time, Winter Solstice, a 504-page blockbuster by the late Rosamund Pilcher. In case you're wondering, yes, I remember the story, the characters, how it all folds together and ends satisfactorily. And because I remember, that's why I reread it nearly every winter.

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Next week we in the US will celebrate Thanksgiving. On a quick drive through my town yesterday, I saw enough pumpkins to fill a ten-acre field. Then we turned onto our street, and a new neighbor has already decorated for Christmas! But we're ecumenical here--over a block or so the Halloween 15-foot tall skeleton is still swaying in the wind.

Wherever you are, whatever your taste, I hope you enjoy the changing seasons. They may not be what we'd order, given that chance, but popular wisdom tells us--if you wait five minutes, the weather will change! Just be careful making plans.

Blessings,

Thursday's Child

 

Six Years Ago: 

BLESSINGS - INCOMING

[On November 7, 2019, Thursday's Child shared an essay about blessings. Now, six years later--and maybe more than ever, we need to count our blessings. Everybody has blessings, trust me on this. And--here's a radical thought: maybe all those things we consider thorns in our sides, or disappointments that blindsided us, or disasters of a truly Biblical nature--maybe, just  maybe, they are blessings, after all. Think about it. And while you do that, walk down memory lane with me from six years ago, November 2019.]

Remember Bing Crosby's song in White Christmas?

     "When I'm worried, and I can't sleep,
     I count my blessings, instead of sheep,
     and I fall asleep, counting my blessings."

Yes, it's a little early for Bing & Co. But it's never too early--nor too late--to count one's blessings. Here are some of mine:

1-5: a home of my own; family who keep in touch (we have so many ways to make contact); friends and acquaintances who keep me social; neighbors who keep me from thinking my way is the only right way to live; and good people who work on my house, attend to my yard, and wait on me when I do my shopping.

6-9: living in a small town that cares about its citizens; and a country that allows me the freedom to vote as I see fit; freedom to worship in public; choices when I visit shops. 

10-15: a free public library that provides books, movies, recordings, as well as digital services, public programs, and art exhibits. 

16-18: good health; if health breaks down, many opportunities for treatment in my community; good medical personnel, in many specialties; a YMCA with fitness equipment, walking/running tracks, and fitness programs for individual or group work. 

19-20: opportunities to serve others; places to share joy through music and the written word.

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When I started this post, I realized it could easily get out of hand. The above list could go on and on and on . . . one blessing recalls another, and then another. Sometimes they're right in front of my face. Sometimes they're completely visible, but I'm looking the other way. 

You don't have to make a list to count your blessings. Just think of three or four ways you know you are blessed. Before you realize it, you'll go far beyond those three or four.

Have a blessed week!

Thursday's Child 

 LIGHT

Erasmus - 15th Century Dutch Christian
humanist and scholar

Three more days . . . and we're going to "gain an hour" by setting our clocks back before we go to bed. Or, if we're lucky enough to have current technology ticking away the minutes and hours, our atomic clocks, cell phones, and computers will do the changing for us.

That's all I'm going to say about going back to Standard Time.

And the only reason I bring it up at all is that for a little while, maybe a couple of weeks, we'll have sunrise in my neck of the woods around 7:00 AM.

Which  means, in case you're not already asleep from this convoluted intro, that we will have a little more light in the morning, and not so much at night.

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Light, as a topic of interest, has intrigued me for a long time.

Who among us can say we've never--never--felt we were stumbling around in the dark?

It doesn't have to be literal darkness--power goes off, or light bulb burns out, or we're out camping and the only light is the campfire, so don't go wandering off to the latrine unless you have a flashlight.

Darkness can be metaphorical--we simply can't see/understand/perceive a way out of our dilemma. We often need someone to guide us back to the light.

Here are a few of the folks who can hold up the lantern for our path:

Edith Wharton - American Author - 1862-1937

At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us. 

     Albert Schweitzer

The flip side of that metaphor is that each of us becomes the light for another person.

A smile is the light in your window that tells others that there is a caring, sharing person inside. 

     Denis Waitley

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I've never been a good traveler--going into the unknown was, and is, 'way beyond my comfort zone. (Pretty much everything is outside my comfort zone, but that's a story for another day.)

Anyway, when I found the above quotation from Christopher Columbus, who, in the 15th Century made numerous explorations by sea far from his homeland of Italy, I recognized in those eleven words a profound statement: We followed the sun, we left our home. But the important part is this: They followed the light of the sun. They didn't sail off into darkness. They may not have known exactly where they were going, but they followed the light.

I find that thought comforting.

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Francis Bacon - English - 1561-1626

At first this would seem to be a Duh statement--but when Francis Bacon wrote it in his century, it held great truth: We recognize light only when we also know the darkness is there. It's the contrast that determines the brightness of the light.

And you don't have to be a creationist to understand that God brought light into being and separated it from the darkness--day and night.


Ursula K. LeGuin, an American author, expressed it this way:

American novelist - 1929-2018

Artists, especially painters, know the value of light and shadow. In fact, many painters make small "value studies" to indicate where color changes from light to dark.






May your days be filled with light.

Blessings,

Thursday's Child

 3 A.M. WISDOM

"In the wee, small hours of the morning,
when the whole wide world is fast asleep,
You lie awake and think................"

There's something about those wee, small hours that teases our brains into thoughts that seem so wise, so obvious, so absolutely right . . . how could we not remember them? Act on them? Take them as signs?

My recent wee-small wisdoms concerned Memory. 

Popular wisdom accepts memory loss as something that just happens. Every family has anecdotes about what happened when Great Aunt Ethel lost her memory. (It's not talked about nowadays.) Or when Grandpa Harold wandered around town and the family had to call the police to find him.

Hardly anyone ever mentions that young folks also have their memory lapses. Young Jimmy next door pulled a Grandpa Harold and wandered off and nobody thought anything about it, though I heard the kid had a painful experience sitting on wooden chairs for a few days. Then there was the time Cousin Clementine eloped and forgot her luggage. She wasn't elderly, but she was no spring chicken, either, at 45.

Those explanations and accepted "proofs" of memory loss don't stack up for me. So I offer another view of the subject.

So let's suppose--just suppose--memory operates on a "needs to know" basis. 

Here's an example: If I'm not going to use my car keys today, do I need to remember where they are? Not really. They'll still be there (wherever there is) the next time I plan to go to the store and need to drive myself.

Here's another one: Why would I need to remember how to make chicken croquettes, unless I'm planning to serve them? Or, perhaps, teach someone else how to make them? 

In the Big Scheme of Things, there's a whole 26-volume set of encyclopedias' worth of knowledge that I don't have to remember, just in case somebody wants to know. (Ever heard of Google?)

Like most people, I have a short list of Things I Need to Remember, such as:

--where the unpaid bills are located
--whether I've eaten, taken my pills, and checked the mail
--what sounds emitted by the refrigerator, washer/dryer, and vehicle are normal

(There are more, but right now, that's all I need to remember.)

Does that mean I'm too old to live alone? Do I need a minder? Am I safe to drive, use the telephone and Internet, take my pills without supervision?

It means I'm following my motto of remembering what I need to know.

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Let's flip that coin over--one side is "Remember," and the other side is "Forget."

Is it ever okay to forget things? Sure, why not? If you and I try to remember every absolutely-bloomin' thing, how will we get through a day? 

It's also called "Taking Things for Granted." Think about it--do we have to remember to get up in the morning? Eat once in a while? Nap if we feel tired? Go to bed when it's dark (that's if you aren't on a different shift)? Do we have to remember that the sun comes up in the morning, and goes down at night? (Never mind the science lesson--we've done that one before.)

There's also "Living in a Different Reality": Most of us remember to put on regular clothes before we go outside, but a few will wear what passes for pajamas anywhere and everywhere. (If you don't believe me, just go to the mall or Walmart or the grocery store and people-watch. See?) Do they get arrested? Is there a line of people pointing fingers and tittering? Not likely. They didn't forget. Their reality is different from mine.

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The next time you're awake at 3:00 A.M., rummage around in your mental attic and see what pops out. You may surprise yourself. You may have a good time with memories that have run off and hidden themselves because you didn't have time for them during the day. 

If you forget them the next day--that's okay, they don't have to hang around. It's all in the "need to know" basis. Remember?

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Have a blessed week! (Just a reminder..........)

Thursday's Child