CONFESSION TIME

Sorry, it's not working this year.

Here we are, just two weeks before Christmas--carols have been blasting out into the ether ever since November 1--we've had Black Friday sales every other day--my neighbors have put up their lights, inflatables, yard ornaments--

Nope, not working. I have no--and I do mean NO--Christmas spirit. Watched White Christmas a couple of times already, and The Christmas Card (love that Ed Asner). Did a quick shopping trip for a woman who lives in a health care facility. Even updated my Christmas card list (more on that in a moment).

In this "year that never was," or whatever we're calling it this week, I discovered that, yes, time does pass, whether we pay attention or not. People are finding creative ways to celebrate within good-health guidelines. (And some people don't bother to try.) 

I have no gifts to wrap--everybody in my family is getting cash this year, including the littlest kids. 

I have no music to practice--no church service where I can play the organ. (I officially retired from the bench last spring.)

My annual veggie trays for local businesses and professional offices have had to be scuttled. Even if I wore gloves and a mask, I'm still handling food. The alternate route is a bag of mandarin oranges and a package of string cheese. I know, I know--it's the thought that counts. But still--.

I'm not usually depressed about having nothing to do. It's the other way around--too much to do in the time left, too many commitments (what was I thinking?) . . . .

This year, though, it feels different. Not just because we're at the mercy of a pandemic. That's only part of it. I'm just not sure what else is going on. Life seems to be changing in ways I hadn't expected. Did someone swing the pendulum the other way? Was a reorganization of Life As We Knew It put into effect? I seem to have missed the memo.

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Christmas cards--here's what I discovered.

Each year I update the addresses, because folks are still moving in and out of their homes, leaving the state to live with relatives, or coming to Indiana to be near someone who needs care. Young folks sell one house and buy or build another. Older folks sell their homes to a child and go to Assisted Living.

This year I had a couple of changed addresses. Those don't bother me.

But I also had to remove three folks who passed during 2020. That was a sad thing, even though I knew those folks had died.

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In my church, we're in the middle of Advent--watching and waiting in expectation of the birth of Christ. It isn't a hoop-la time in the church calendar; but it's an important season. We prepare for a life-changing event.

Maybe my current subdued state is more in keeping with authentic Advent. 

As the year has unfolded, I've come to recognize, and accept, that life as I've known it, and lived it, may never return to what it was. In a sense, that's true every year, but at a slower pace. Now the changes are more drastic, more vivid, more in-your-face. 

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Lack of Christmas Spirit? Hmm, maybe that's nothing to be concerned about or ashamed of. There's a whole lot more to Christmas than the bells and whistles, the lights and rich foods. I almost hate to think it, but maybe COVID has given us a positive gift--we had to be creative to come up with safe ways to celebrate.

But deeper down, on a level most of us may forget to visit, there's something else going on. Like, what really is Christmas Spirit? There's no easy or quick answer--it may take us years to work that out. And, I'm certain the answer at my current age is much different from what it was ten years ago, or twenty, or more. Age may not bring wisdom, but it does bring more time to ponder deep questions.

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This year is different, we've all come to terms with that. As for Christmas Spirit--

I'm still watching and waiting. How about you?