WAIT AND SEE

Three little words . . . "wait and see" . . . .

When I was a little kid, "wait and see" meant, very likely, "no." But it was a softer let-down than the absolute "no" to a question I asked.

As I got older, say, into the teen years, I realized "wait and see" had some value.

--Take a test--wait for the results and see if I've passed.
--Audition for a part in one of the school dramas--wait to see if I was chosen for the part I wanted most.
--Big dance coming up--Christmas formal, prom--wait and see if I get asked to go. (And then wait and see if my parents would let me go. Or if I had enough money to get a nice dress.)

Then there were the young adult years: lots of waiting and seeing during courtship, marriage, birth of children. But this period of time had a different flavor--no more just anticipating an event and then assessing how it turned out. This was more in the line of having multiple possible results. And making more decisions, rather than waiting for things "to work out" by themselves.

If you opted not to go the marriage and kiddies route, you might have considered these:

--Go to college, enroll in a course that will (one hopes) lead to a job. Study, get good grades, if possible; graduate. Look for a job. Keep looking. Possibly take any available employment to have income for a family. 

--Or, take another path, perhaps the military; employment opportunity, educational opportunity, travel. Then get deployed--wait and see where you'll be going. Family left in the states continue the waiting and seeing--keeping the positive view that you will return home.

--Find a cause you want to help with, make your life count by working in the Peace Corps, or work with church missions in faraway places; you don't even have to leave home--look for any size city or town where homeless shelters and other types of facilities work with folks whose lives have taken a turn for the worse.

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The older I grew, the less certain, the less clear-cut, were the possible outcomes of my choices and decisions.

I knew I would retire one day. Retirement was something to look forward to because I had many enjoyable activities that had been put on hold while I worked. So I waited for retirement . . . and what came was a lot of time to fill up. No problem there--I could do many of those activities I'd put on hold: work with a daytime group at the church; do my shopping early in the morning, instead of after work or on Saturday; spend most of a day cooking--results to be frozen for later use; or, spend most of a day putting a quilt together. There's almost nothing you can't finish if you can devote a whole day to it from time to time.

Now I'm less goal driven. My choice of activities doesn't have to lead to a job or a relationship or a path to follow. This blog, for instance, isn't slotted into any particular niche; thinking up possible topics and exploring them keeps my writing muscles working. But I'm not working toward an award or publication in some other medium.

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I don't like exploring the downside of topics here at Thursday's Child, but sometimes we have to acknowledge the less-than-positive in our lives.

Medical tests--very, very few tests can be done in one day and the results known a few hours later. What to do with the waiting time?

Well, there's always panic. Or ranting and pulling our hair. Or complete meltdown. 

These might help us relieve some of the tension and stress of not-knowing, but that's about all that comes out of kicking the furniture or hurling dishes against the wall.

You'll never find me on a list of gardeners--enthusiastic or otherwise--but I can attest that kneeling on the ground with a potted plant and a trowel to add a growing bush to my landscaping came close to being an other-worldly experience. Time ceased to be of any significance. Sun on my shoulders, breeze blowing through my hair, newly turned earth smelling pungent . . . the whole experience was sensory. No room for feeling of any kind.

You can lose yourself in a book, a movie, a walk in the park. Temporary, yes, but helpful.

You can find a friend to help you wait out the time until results come in. There's nothing so lonely as waiting alone for results you're afraid to get.

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Do I still wait and see? Of course. We all do at times. Not everything has a definite outcome right this minute.

But I find not knowing can be a good thing. I'm not crazy about surprises, but I do like a little suspense in my life. Beyond the suspense, though, there's a strengthening that comes when we've successfully navigated a "wait and see" journey. The next one may not be so hard.

MARCH!

New month . . . new expectations . . . .

On March 20th, we'll celebrate the first day of spring, 2018. A one-time thing--there won't be another first day of spring this year. Make the most of it.

Before that, though, we live with all the old sayings:

If March comes in like a lion, it'll go out like a lamb.

Or, if March comes in like a lamb . . . you got it, out like a lion.

In my neck of the woods, there's a little of both--the lion roaring around, trees swaying, rain pelting down, temp dropping. Then the little lamb gambols across the landscape bringing sunshine, a soft breeze, the illusion of a warm spring day. What's up with that?

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This year, March is the last gasp of Lent--Easter Sunday is April 1st. And if the weather doesn't show up dressed in sunshine and fluffy clouds--if we get a freezing rain before the sunrise service (happened to us about 40 years ago here in my neighborhood)--well, that's what we get that day. It'll still be Easter Sunday.

In Anne Hillerman's book Rock with Wings, police officer Jim Chee reflects on weather:

He never minded summer, even at its peak. What was the point of calling anything in nature “bad”? Weather was weather, hot was hot, cold was cold. He didn’t see the need to attach judgment.

But Chee is a native of the desert Southwest, and he's a traditional Navajo, which means he's close to nature, and the above attitude is just right for his character.

I won't say I'll be nonchalant about the weather on Easter Sunday. If it's a cold, rainy day, I'll feel cold, and I'll wear a raincoat and hope my fingers don't freeze while I drive to church.

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What do you look forward to in March? Gardening? Working outside? Building a gazebo? Taking the dog for longer walks? Not shoveling snow? 

We had an almost-spring day or two this week. My job was to clear the fallen limbs, branches, and sticks that wind had torn from my four big old trees. There's a good-sized pile at the curb for the City trucks to pick up later on. And the trash bin is filling up nicely with the small stuff--it's naturally biodegradable so it's okay for the landfill.

When we get a warmish day without wind, my patio will get some attention--last year's leaves got tangled up in some of the bushes nearby, so that'll require a rake and a bushel basket for hauling debris to the bin out front. Best of all, I may get to see some buds on flowering bushes. If not, I'll keep checking.

Last night, my Ohio daughter told me her daffodils and tulips are already about three inches out of the ground. Go Spring!

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March is a month that wears many hats--a sunbonnet for the bright days--a poplin rainhat for the precursor to April showers--a tied-on scarf to keep hair out of our eyes when we walk or run on the snow-free walks and streets.

It's a month of green beer and wild weather, sunshine and rain. Whatever--celebrate March!

26 DAYS . . .

In 26 days, the calendar will read March 20. And my calendar reports March 20th as the First Day of Spring.

I'm ready.

We had plenty of snow this winter in the northern hemisphere. Now we're having the January thaw (a little late) and creeks and rivers in our corner of Indiana are overflowing. Add to that, early seasonal rain. River Floor Warnings come up on The Weather Channel every day.

So I bought some cute boots to wear and ditched my old umbrella with the bent ribs for a nicer one (still black, but at least the ribs are straight). My last year's raincoat is again doing duty to keep me dry when I have to dash from car to store and store back to car.

If I complain about the rain, I get the usual response, "Rain makes the flowers grow!"

Yes, yes, of course it does. So does sunshine!

All right, I'm ahead of myself--26 days ahead--but I can't help it. I've been indoors too long this year. There are no new movies to watch except on Netflix. There are no new books to read, especially when I don't want to go out in the rain to pick them up at the library. And my budget stretches only so far when ordering books or movie to arrive at my door.

I'm more than ready to sit on my patio with a mug of coffee and just watch the world open up. No need to stick my nose in a book--I can watch kids trying out bikes they got for Christmas. Listen to birds I can't identify (though I suspect a lot of the songs are from cardinals--did you know cardinals have 28 distinct songs?). If I'm careful and don't move much, smaller birds come to the feeders for breakfast, brunch, lunch, midafternoon snack, dinner, bedtime treat . . . . (I wonder--is this their version of catching up on the news at the water cooler?)

Spring opens up time. No need to keep doing things. Just sit--listen--watch--sniff. Pay attention to what Nature brings back to us each spring. And give thanks.

KEEP COUNTING.....

Four weeks and five days--Spring arrives March 20th!

In the meantime, Thursday's Child is taking time off to shovel snow and melting ice off the driveway and patio; fill a shopping cart at the local Walmart with all the things she's used over the past two and a half months (pantry shelves, like Mother Hubbard's cupboard, are bare-bare-bare); set the alarm a little earlier to start the day at the Y with a walk on the track; and come back next week with something to say.

Have a blessed week!

BOOK REPORT

School has been back in session for a few weeks, and I've heard that some students had books to read over their holiday break. So, in keeping with the school spirit, here's my book report for the last quarter of 2017.

October
8 mysteries
2 romances
2 never-before-read books!! (More on these later)
Total - 12

November
7 mysteries
5 Christmas stories
Total - 12

December
3 mysteries
3 Christmas stories
1 non-fiction
Total - 7

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The new reads for me were:

The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society, by Shaffer and Barrows
The Woman Who Smashed Codes, by Jason Fagone

(These were discussed in detail in the November 2 post.)

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Books are among my favor gifts to give. This past Christmas I learned one of my greatgrands is reading The Land of Stories series by Chris Colfer. I gave her Book 3, A Grimm Warning; and I heard later that she was discovered reading it instead of eating her Christmas dinner.

My Ohio daughter works with healing herbs, so I got her a huge encyclopedia of herbal information that she refers to often. Her other gift was The Pioneer Woman Cookbook--she's already used recipes out of that one.

Books are also favorites to receive. Before my birthday arrived in January I'd already received All My Relations: Living with Animals as Teachers and Healers, by Susan Chernak McElroy.

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Not all experiences come from books. Yes, I love reading and owning books. But they'll never take the place of interacting with people in my town, my church, my family.

Once the weather settles down--I've had more than one week of staying in the house for five straight days--I'll get back to the Y for exercise; my sewing group for our joint projects of making blankets, hats, and pillow cases for the NICU; and my church for Sunday services.

If you were stuck inside for days on end, I hope you had enjoyable times to share with others. Or a good book to read. Or a movie or two to make you chuckle or think a little.

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My reading tally for 2017 was 163 books. Many, many re-reads, because those books were like comfort food, without the calories. 

And I have to say--I'm thrilled to quit writing down every single title I've read! That takes time away from, um, reading.

P.S.--I thought about telling you the dog/cat/hamster ate my homework, which is why my book report is late. But unfortunately you already know I no longer have a dog or cat or hamster. I'll have to think of a new excuse.

Have a lovely week--read if you want to--shovel snow if you live up here in the snow belt--or enjoy your snow-free climate.

Mesa, AZ Arts Center

THE VOICE OF AUTHORITY
[Here in mid-winter--only 6 more weeks of winter weather, so we understand--I find this post from 2017 helpful in keeping my perspective. Hope it speaks to you also.]

If there were only one Voice of Authority, life would be a lot simpler. 

Instead, Authority is one of those concepts that varies from person to person. Not only does the definition change, but the spin each of us puts on what Authority says/advises/demands comes out of our own lives and experiences.

I'll start the ball rolling with my own spin--that ought to get your editorial juices flowing.

In my long life I've encountered three distinct types of advice from Authority:

1. Parental Guidance
2. Well-Meaning Advice, or One Size Fits Most
3. Self-Serving Advice

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When I was growing up, it was natural to hear words of wisdom or suggestions about behavior from my parents. The two things I remember most are these:

Mom: Put yourself in the other person's place.
Dad:  Don't get too close to people, you'll only get hurt.

Mom's advice always stayed with me. When I was critical of someone, or their words hurt me, I tried to put myself in that person's place--find out what lay behind the unkindness; and if I couldn't discern it correctly, I looked at several possible reasons. I still do that to this day, and I find it makes my life a happier place to inhabit.

Dad's advice has, alas, also stayed with me. It isn't quite the antithesis of Mom's advice, but it definitely puts a barrier between me and others. What I've learned on my own is that I'm always going to get hurt--by someone, by something, by matters outside my control. The getting hurt part isn't the issue; what I do with the hurt, or about it, is.

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A kid hears lots of advice--besides parents, there are extended family members (older siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins), neighbors, friends of the family who feel they have a right to tell a kid what to do or not do. 

I call this kind of advice "One Size Fits Most." Examples: Work hard. Practice. Do your best. (And to little girls, Act like a lady.) Always be on time. Think of others. 

Now I'm not against working for one's goals, practicing the oboe/soccer/knitting/cursive writing, or doing one's best. They're all positive actions. Sometimes, though, those pieces of advice come at a time when a young person is vulnerable--tries too hard; breaks down; wears out too soon. And let's face it--sometimes we just can't be on time, or thinking of others means neglecting the self we're given that needs nourishing to be a positive force in the world.

As for acting like a lady--my all-time favorite coffee mug reads: "Well-Behaved Women Seldom Make History." Enough said.

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Self-Serving advice was another Voice from childhood. It said, Behave. Be quiet; speak only if you're spoken to. Don't go any place you'll be embarrassed to be seen.

Lots of negatives in that short and un-sweet list. Not bad advice, per se, but look at the emphasis: Each one isn't about what might happen to me, the advisee, but about what reflects back on the advisor. Hmm.

The same messages can be turned into positive statements. Or, they can be the springboards for a discussion with the young person.

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My last type of advice: Advice to Self. Or, Learning from Our Experiences.

We encounter all types of messages from others: positive, negative; practical, impractical. What we seize on comes out of our leaning--our own way of dealing with the world--and is likely based on our experiences.

My Note to Self: Beware of giving Unasked-for Advice! (There's already plenty of that around.)

THOUGHTS THAT SURFACED

Recently I celebrated another birth anniversary--commonly known as a "birthday," although I, like everyone else, have had only one of true "birth day". . . anyway, I celebrated the day of the month on which I was born. It was a quiet day--unhelpful weather so no getting out and about; middle of the week, hardly a time to whoop it up; and the number of my new year is nothing special. (In a few years I'll have one of those numbers that ends in a "0" and makes people say, "Really? You're how old?" And I'll wonder if they're thinking, "Good heavens, I thought she was a lot older than that.")



As an aside--I bought a bunch of birthday greeting cards several weeks ago, ready for the onslaught of family celebrations coming up in the first three months of the year. One has a springer spaniel on the front, in a party hat, of course, and the message: "Wow! People years go by fast!" They do indeed.

This thing we call Time . . . not sure how to think about it nowadays. People, like the above spaniel, say, "Time goes by so fast." Does it really? Does it "go faster" than it used to? Or is that an illusion? Some cosmic sleight-of-hand that whirls the clock hands (or digits) around while our attention is drawn to some other part of this awesome universe?

If you want to experience time in a different way, read some of the short stories or novels of Jack Finney. They're science fiction, yes; but they're entertaining; they're engaging; and they suck you into the story before you realize it and once you've swallowed the premise that this world operates in this way, you're in for a treat. Finney's stories are easy to read, there's humor there, and the twist at the end  . . . . Well, just read some for yourself. The best ones are about time: Time and Again, From Time to Time, and so on.

Back to Time as we experience it--. Since this winter has been another one of those cabin-fever producing seasons, I noticed that days looked almost exactly alike. Which makes it hard to distinguish Monday from Thursday or Tuesday from Wednesday. On days I could actually get out of my driveway, or felt like wearing everything in my coat closet to keep warm and covered, I tried to maintain my personal Calendar of Events--Monday, sewing with Jane; Tuesday, shopping, etc. 

A few days ago I thought we might be in for an extended warm spell--what we affectionately call The January Thaw. Well, okay, stuff thawed. Ice build-up at the end of the driveway turned to its liquid state, and grass turned green again. But I wasn't prepared for the warm moist air to hover above the cold earth in a dense cloud. Fog, fog, fog. Deep, dense; enough to cause the weather people to issue weather advisory statements. And as I couldn't see much beyond the house across the street, I heeded the statements and stayed home.

Thus the third Sunday of January went by and I again didn't get to church due to weather. Also, two Fridays had passed us by and no sewing group met, again due to cold temps and high winds.

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With the universal human trait of perversity, not getting out to go places has come to feel like deprivation. Yet, there's always good advice to be had:

Snowed in? Read a book! 

Too icy to get out? Make tea and play solitaire! 

Wind too strong for easy breathing? Stay in and sew/knit/clean house/cook/listen to music/write letters/email everybody on your contacts list . . . .

Nothing appeals. Not after the third or fourth week.

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Confession: I've turned into a reader, not a writer. Three partial manuscripts lounge around in my computer, novels ready/willing to be finished. One is two-thirds along toward the end. It's a story I like, the characters are people I'd like to know, the conflict is altogether human and understandable, and to top it all off--I know how it ends!! But I can't seem to write.

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This is the time of year when I wish I could hibernate--sleep away the next couple of months until buds appear on trees, grass revives, birds waken the dawn, and us hibernated creatures yawn, stretch, and amble out of our caves for a breath of Spring.

Instead--I'm stuck with Winter, and with trying to make these days/weeks/months of inactivity into a blessing. 

This is a challenge, for sure. I'll be working on it for another, say, 60 days.

In the meantime, keep your spirits up--find your own way to survive cabin fever (if you have it), share some of your wisdom with the rest of us who desperately need it.

Make it a blessed week!