"WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?"

[It's nearly the end of February--we're having rain, LOTS of rain--we have one vehicle non-functioning and the other one on the road--the rain came with wind and cold, as in freezing rain, and you'll get the picture. I can't think of anything interesting to write about or even find a topic to get my juices flowing. So here's a rerun of a post that made me smile when I read it again. Get out your memories and look them over.]

Remember when all grown-ups asked you this question? Depending on your age and recent experiences, you answers probably ranged far and wide.

At seven, I knew absolutely I wanted to be a teacher. That lasted several years, because I loved school, liked my teachers (well, most of them), and had a lasting identity with books and paper and pencils.

Not sure when that one began to fade into the background, but when I was in high school, I knew, absolutely, that I wanted to be a writer. The newsstand downtown carried a magazine called The Writer (still publishing, by the way), and I went every month to read a little in each issue. Sometimes I had enough extra money to buy one. Joy unbounded!

That dream was partially realized when I wrote for my high school newspaper, at least three years, and maybe even during my freshman year. I was very keen.

By the time I was a sophomore, however, I'd fallen in love with the stage, acting in one-act plays, variety shows with the choir, and eventually the junior and senior class plays. Our Thespian troupe made a trip to Chicago to see plays (memory fades here, sorry). Acting, it was absolutely plain to see, was the way to go--the actor could be absolutely anyone at all, a different person each time.

Clearly, I had a weather vane existence--if the wind blew one way, I was a writer; if another, I was an actor.

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Those were the days when boys wanted to grow up to be cowboys and firemen and girls wanted to grow up to be nurses and airline stewardesses.

A few years later, it was sports heroes, and executive secretaries. Still later--astronauts (both boys and girls), scientists of all stripes, designers, artists . . . . We all began to believe we could be anything we wanted to be. Well, why not?

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Looking back over several decades, I don't recall ever being only one thing. Does anyone?

For instance--college was intended to prepare me for a career in chemistry. Instead, I got married, had a family, and continued my interrupted studies in English and French. I did get to teach a while, but circumstances changed and I worked, instead, as a paralegal in a law office.

For instance--writing has come and gone several times. After my high school newspaper experiences, there seemed no reason to continue in journalism; instead, I concentrated on fiction writing. Short stories, novels . . . . Later, non-fiction. Essays, now a blog, memoirs for my family members. . . .

For instance--the theater never materialized, though I've acted in local amateur drama societies a few times. Instead, music became my latter-day self-expression--singing in a choir, directing a choir, playing piano and organ for churches.

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What do I want to be when I grow up? 

Not sure. There are so many possibilities! Do I have to settle for just one?

Maybe the problem is in the question--it suggests we have to choose a role to play, an occupation that will support us and our families into perpetuity. It doesn't let us try out different possibilities--the weather vane is not allowed to shift with the wind.

How about changing the question this way: What kind of person do I want to be when I grow up?

I couldn't have answered that at age 7 or 15 or 21. But I do know, now, I want to be a person who listens more than talks; who encourages others to succeed;  who forgives whatever needs to be forgiven; who shows kindness, especially to those who seldom know kindness.

That's a humongous ambition right there. Those traits have been in the making all my life and will continue forever.

Did you get to be what you wanted to when you grew up? Does it matter now? 

More important--are you still growing? I hope so!

Have a blessed week!

Thursday's Child

 CONCLUSIONS

Last weekend I finished the writing of a short novel--possibly a novella, due to its shorter word count. Anyway, I finished it. It is now considered a Very Rough Rough Draft. Early parts of it were written on the computer; the last half was handwritten. Thus only part of it is in manuscript form, which means it is typewritten and easier to read.

The most important aspect for me is: It is completely finished.

It can now safely be put in a drawer--or box--or filing cabinet--or under the bed--and left to chill. I won't look at it again for a while--anywhere from a month to a year. All depending on how courageous I'm feeling. (Rough drafts give me the willies. They're always worse than I thought they were when I put them away.)

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Finishing that manuscript means I came to a conclusion. That activity is over and done with for the time being. If, sometime in the future when I feel my courage increasing, I can actually tolerate reading it again and encountering its imperfections, I can make a new start.

That's what conclusions lead to--new beginnings.

In the case of a piece of writing, the new start can be with the same material--just looking at it with distance and eyes that haven't focused on it recently can call up a "Holy Moley! That's better than I thought." It's equally possible the Holy Moley will be followed by "Oh, wow, how bad is that?"

Another new start can be with a totally different piece: another story--a memoir--a poem or two or three--letters owed to several people who got shoved aside by the Very Rough Rough Draft. 

And now that I'm painting watercolors fairly often, I can abandon the pen and computer for paints and brushes. That's a really new start.

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The main things I've learned about Conclusions are these:

• No conclusion is the final event, even for the project/activity it defines.
• Conclusions are always followed by something else--a new beginning, a different avenue of thought, a change in philosophy.
• Many conclusions are of the thought variety; and when new evidence comes along, our minds can change. So, too, the conclusions we come to based on that new evidence.

Basically, a Conclusion--whether an ending or a summing up of deliberations--is part of the ebb and flow of life--we make conclusions every single day, probably many times a day.

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Back in the Day, we were taught to use a three-part structure for written work and speeches:

• Tell them what you're going to tell them.
• Tell them.
• Tell them what you told them.

(I kid you not. Fortunately, I managed to escape that advice by having creative teachers who knew how deadly that whole scenario could be.) 

Those of us listening to a speaker using that formula learned to listen for the magic phrase, "And in conclusion . . . ." That was our signal to sit up, look as if we'd paid attention all the way through, and get ready to move on to the next event.

If you're still awake, here's some advice: Don't sweat the Conclusions business. Remember, it's all about ebb and flow. There'll be changes coming, but that's sometimes a really good thing.

Wishing you interesting times and joyful days!

Blessings,

Thursday's Child

 EVER HAVE AN OFF-DAY?

 Off-color? Off-side? Off-balance? Off-center? Off the wall?

Yeah, one of "those" days.

I wish I had some tried-and-true, absolutely surefire, and you-won't-believe-it advice for how to handle the Off Days. They're what the songwriter meant when he penned, "Into each life some rain must fall." Boy, was he right.

Off-Days can occur any time. Maybe you've noticed, though--they seem to spring upon us at a time when we positively don't need/want/desire such a thing to happen. They seem to have a mind and a menace of their own.

Here's a little of my own experience:

• Off-days seemed drawn to the times I needed all my wits about me--for taking care of young children, going to college classes, teaching a room full of freshman students who, given their druthers, would've been swilling coffee in the Commons.
• I eventually outgrew that phase of my life (all phases eventually go away, I've found).
• Instead, I had a dog. Medium size, full of personality, IQ 'way up in the stratosphere (I swear she understood my brand of English). I loved that girl; she made my life more varied, more interesting. But as always happens, she aged, and in her later years returned to early puppy ways--mixed up days and nights, wanted to go out at one o'clock (AM), had no sense of seasons so the 1:00 AM voyage was pertinent any day/month/season of the year.
• Her confused nights meant I also had confused nights. Sleep came in bits and pieces. And if her nights happened one after another, my next-day experiences were of the Off variety. Also one after another.
• I wouldn't give up those years with Joy the Dog; I still miss her. But I'm realistic enough to know getting another dog is probably not going to work out. I still remember the Off-Days.

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You can make your own list of Off-Day triggers. COVID and its attendant uncertainties and effects is a common one for our global village. Inflation and resultant downsizing of businesses--or even annihilation of businesses--is also well-known.

Then there are your everyday concerns, or worries, or fears--you know what they are. Anything that steps into your life and knocks you even a little bit off-balance can end up with the following day(s) being Off.

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I said I don't have any answers (see paragraph 3 above). But I do have some thoughts. Maybe one of these will resonate with you:

• For folks who find prayer helpful, that's a time to trot out all your everyday "stuff" and give it to your Supreme Being for safekeeping when you go to bed. 
• If you have a favorite prayer or psalm, recite it when you go to bed. Changes your mind's landscape.
• Some folks might explore therapy with a professional therapist.
• Others might find a meaningful activity--music, art, physical exercise, crafts, working with charities, helping at a food bank--something attractive to them that will take them away from the other "stuff" that seems to bring only concern or worry. (It might also nudge the Off stuff into a lower place of importance. Been known to happen.)
• Some folks swear by yoga--meditation--tai chi--running--biking--and so on. Find your place in the physical world if that appeals to you.
• And if all else fails--Embrace the Beast. Meet your nemesis head-on--your worry, your concern, your fear. Embracing the problem isn't easy, I'll not kid you about that. But you can't live a life forever running away from the problem, or ignoring it, pretending it doesn't exist. 
• Well, I guess you actually can do those things. But the results aren't worth the life you'll be living.
• And, something to consider--it uses less energy to embrace than to fight. Hmm.
• Sorry I can't give you some great resources to read or podcasts to listen to, to convince you how to deal with your Off-Days. But you can probably find something to help. Google thinks it knows everything. But people also know a lot. Talk to folks. Yes, you'll be vulnerable, putting yourself out there on a shaky, shivery, limb. However, is that any worse than living with worry/concern/fear that makes your days--and nights--a misery?

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We're not talking health issues here--if you have physical balance problems, that's a different kettle of fish, not to mention a horse of a different color. You know what to do about that kind of balance issue. For the emotional and mental off-ness, yes, take it seriously. In the meantime, we wish you fewer Off-Days, more joy in living, and a life of fulfillment.

Blessings,

Thursday's Child

 ARE YOU A GLEANER?

[I find myself in a quasi-philosophical mood lately. Must be all the days I've spent at home--not cabin fever, just home alone with my thoughts and musings and projects. With the new month just opening up for us, I wanted something to help us think beyond the weather, how much winter is left for us, and how we're coping while waiting for spring. After all, we can think about that all on our own, can't we? Today, let's consider how we look at life in general. Ready? By the way, this post appeared a few years back, but it's timely again. How about that!]

I owe thanks to CurtissAnn Matlock for the metaphor and image of "gleanings"--she often shares on her blog gleanings from her reading (which is rich and various).

The gleanings I'm interested in today are from our life experiences--what kinds of wise words or supportive philosophies or helpful hints have you gathered and used and shared?

The idea comes--in my reading--from Heather Lende, whose book Find the Good, came about because her publisher wanted her to share her experiences as a writer of obituaries--what last words did she hear from people she talked to prior to their death?

Heather Lende writes that her approach was to think of what message she herself would want to leave with her loved ones--what words did she believe would sustain them throughout their lives? She came up with: Find the good. And that became the title of her book.

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For the past 40 or more years we've been bombarded with sound bites. You remember--those little catch-phrases that attempt to summarize a huge idea in a few pithy words. No need to go into detail--the phrase brings it all to life. "Go with the flow." "Think big." "Make a difference."

Without getting too picky, I'll just say that each of those is good as far as it goes. But think about it--Go with the flow? Easy to do. Pretty soon you're not thinking on your own at all. It's all flow. And you know what they say about water--it seeks its lowest level. The flow is, sorry to say, all downhill.

Think big. Hmm. Okay. I know some folks who think big. They're no good a-tall at detail because their ideas, their projects, their visions, are above and beyond anything as mundane as the details. (And before you say it--remember, it's not only the devil who's in the details. God is also.)

Make a difference. Now that sounds like a keeper. In my thinking, the word good is implied in that sentence, as in Make a good difference. Make things better than they are. However--you knew there was a however, didn't you?--however! What if your idea of what makes a good difference isn't the same as, say, your partner's? Or your mother's? Or your best friend's? Or your neighbor's? Does "make a difference" as a working philosophy grant you the right or the obligation to change something to please yourself?

Apparently it all comes back to our basic sense of what's right, or good, or appropriate.

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Here are some that I've come up with in my search for examples:

--Be kind.
--Treat others as you want to be treated.
--Forgive and forget.
--Put yourself in the other person's place.

If you think these have a Biblical ring, you're right. In different words and phrases, you'll find them in many of the New Testament teachings. And I have no doubt they're part of the teachings of many religions.

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When it comes right down to it, all these "words to live by" are just words, right? And they'll remain just words until you seize on one (or more) and embrace that set of words for your personal approach to life.

One day you may find your chosen phrase no longer works. Nobody guarantees these are set in stone, or that they'll sustain you all your days. You change, you grow; your life takes a turn you didn't expect; you come up against a problem you thought you'd never, ever, have to face. So keep gleaning. Help is everywhere.

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Recently the president of our county board of commissioners was quoted in the newspaper about a contentious situation. His approach: "Make one step forward." The story was more involved than that, but the essence was in that one piece of advice.

I've adopted that phrase. For today, I can make one step forward. I do not look to see if I am also going to take two steps back. That is not implied in "one step forward." 

Some days, I'll make no steps at all, in any direction. But my intention is: one step forward.

Forward is forward....