THE END . . . OR, IS IT?

"In my end is my beginning."

T. S. Eliot, Four Quartets

Some of you know that I had a heart valve replacement back in February. It was a fairly simple operation, done without cracking open my chest (thanks be!), and I was home after a one-night stay in the hospital. In less than a month, I was a patient at cardiac rehabilitation in a nearby hospital. Three days ago, I "graduated" from rehab! 

So that was the end of my adventure. Sort of. Rehab allowed me to strengthen my muscles--arms, legs, core--and each little bit of strength increased the energy my body could use for further movement. But the next step is what I do on my own, now that rehab is ended. So I refer you back to the T. S. Eliot quotation: "In my end is my beginning." That's right, I'm just beginning.

Picture, if you can, an 80-something woman whose activity level has declined over the previous decade (or longer) because she didn't always have the strength or the stamina she needed to pursue simple exercise--walking on the indoor track at the Y, spending a half-hour in a chain store examining all the goodies for sale, staying with a project (like writing or painting) more than a few minutes, or visiting with friends.

That was me, during the past five or so years. When my heart valve reached a new low, and was eligible for replacement, I said a firm "yes" and today's post is the result of that acceptance.

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The New Beginning

Even though I've written thousands--maybe millions--of words in my life, I'm almost at a loss to explain the way it feels to have a body that responds as I recall it did from 20 or more years ago. No, I am not faster than a speeding bullet, I can't leap tall buildings in a single bound (nor any bounds!). But I can say I'm a great deal stronger than I was (not quite up to locomotive strength, however). And I not only celebrate that joy, I am more grateful than I've been for anything I can recall.

All right--what am I going to do with that, you ask.

First, I'm going to get used to having more energy--physical, of course, but also mental and emotional and spiritual. Gifts like this must be used, not ignored or hidden away or kept to oneself.

Next, I'm going to take a long, deep, look at my life--what I know I can do, what I like to do, what I can do that will help other people in some way. I have no ambitious plans--because I've learned that even small amounts of caring go far to a person who is hurting. And--who knows what good surprises might be coming? (This from a woman who hates being surprised. Go figure.)

Also, I'll continue to exercise so my physical body will stay as strong as it can for years of further use. Those of you who know me well, will recognize the struggle I'm entering into. I've never been an athlete, and I've never enjoyed having to exercise. My greatest challenge will be finding ways to keep a firm resolve in the face of my weaker self whispering, "Oh, you can let it go just this once." Uh-huh, right.

I suspect most of you have experienced the ending/beginning thing in your life. This time of year I think of graduation ceremonies--leaving a known environment for the unknown; weddings--exchanging single status for a different kind of face you present to the world; new babies who will change your life forever.

There are also sad endings--death of someone who has made your life more joyful; closing down of businesses you've relied on for years; even losing a well-loved tree that has given you shade for many years.

The most precious gift I've been given with the endings in my life is a new beginning. One era of my life ended. A new era has begun. (And I salute T. S. Eliot whose words live in my heart.) May you find the blessing in the endings in your life.

Blessings,

Thursday's Child