BALANCING ACT

You're probably saying, "This isn't new. Everybody knows practically everything in life is about balancing stuff--juggle this, try not to lose that, etc."

Don't you just LOVE those "everybody knows" generalizations? They're often so true. And, so not true.

Let's look at the true part first.

From my own experience, but not going back to infancy, I recall having to choose--if I wanted to take shorthand and typing in high school, I had to give up some other class. Once I'd wheedled my way into taking "five solid subjects," I could do both shorthand and typing, along with whatever else I had in mind. As I recall, my junior year it was French, first being offered at our school that year. (Latin and Spanish had always been there, but they didn't call my name.) Balancing was beginning.

After high school--college years, first time around; again choose courses, try not to have all of them on the same days if I wanted to keep some free time to study or do homework. And then finances came into it--a little part-time job at a tiny grocery store near campus, or typing stuff for professors on campus, almost anything that could be done for a few bucks a week, so long as it wasn't baby-sitting. (I never did get the hang of baby-sitting; my children will attest to that.) More balancing.

So, on to marriage--children--preserving sanity: all a balancing act. Plus, somewhere in there I was encouraged by my mother-in-law to finish my degree; so I signed up for a course, then two, and finally managed to emerge with a B.A. from Indiana University. With four kids at home and a husband who worked all day. Balancing ramped up sharply.

If you haven't tried keeping a marriage and a family going while conjugating French verbs and writing "learned" essays about Elizabethan poets, I must warn you: as Betty Davis said about aging, "It ain't for sissies."

But here I am, writing to you, lo, these many years later, having survived somehow (by hook or by crook, as Granny used to say), to let you know it's possible to balance your life events and not go under for the third time.

Well, that's enough about life being entirely a balancing act. Now let's look at the flip side.

What is not part of the balancing act? Or to put it another way, what can't be turned off, put aside temporarily, or set in stone?

Okay, science being what it is, and technology having got into the act, the nay-sayers are probably right in saying "practically everything" is a balancing act. But I offer up some examples of what is not part of the balancing act:

• our genetic make-up may not be set in stone, but it's pretty much here to stay; I can't turn off the fact that my blue-eyed parents made it virtually impossible for me to have brown eyes; nor can I modify whichever genetic code my grandmother gave me so I can be taller. The best I can do are contact lenses and high-heeled shoes.
• once a pregnancy is in evidence, it can't be set aside temporarily so the child can be born at a more convenient time. (Ask anybody--is there really a more convenient time?)
• and at least at this time, we can't live forever--our time on planet Earth is limited. We're not even allowed to know the day and hour of our departure. We just have the ticket to ride. (But don't discount science and technology--they landed people on the moon; it may just be a matter of time.)

You'll have some of your own, and I'll bet they're dillies.

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How do we do it, you ask?

All depends on how deeply you're invested in what you want.

In order to finish my degree, I had to let go of some "hafta" tasks: not every meal was made from scratch; baked goods appeared mostly at birthday time, and kids learned how to make a nourishing meal for themselves. Laundry was done on specific days, which changed with my class schedule. These modifications didn't always go as planned, but they made it possible for me to read a 700-page 19th century novel, in French, so I could pass the exam that week.

It became a matter of "keep your eyes on the prize."

Then when we had school vacations, I could sew or cook or bake; I could even not read unless I wanted to, and if I wanted to read, it wouldn't be anything that appeared on any college reading list--it would be a modern mystery novel, all about clever detectives solving problematic crimes in fascinating places.

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I'm still not very good at the balancing act, even though I've been at it for more decades than I ever thought I'd attain.

My check register and I currently don't agree with the bank, nor with each other.

I've let my sewing machines waste away for lack of use so I could spend more time painting pictures.

My current writing project stalled and finally stopped altogether--though I can't figure out why it broke down. I don't want to shove it to the side of the road and leave it to rust because I think it can be repaired, but still--

So though I may not be good at balancing, I do believe in it. There are no prizes, since it's not a competition. There are no awards for best balancing--but you do get to keep your sense of well-being when it works out. 

Best wishes for balancing challenges to come!

Blessings,

Thursday's Child